Are We There Yet?: December 2011

Double digits TOMORROW! Our little luckies will hit 10 weeks tomorrow, and it's unreal. I remember when we were about to hit double digits in our pregnancy... I was feeling so uneasy, still incredibly worried, but starting to get to that place where it may actually come true- that dream we'd had for so long. I was deep into my hyperemesis, hardly able to stand up, on IV fluids, my blood pressure dropping to dangerous lows. I was thinking of how grateful I was to have B to take care of the three of us...I still am so incredibly grateful. And I was focusing on that image of little Caleb, baby B back then, waving his tiny nub of an arm on the ultrasound screen to get me through. It's so crazy to think that that tiny being is now my big bubba, my handsome man.

So here's a look back at 2011 and the rollercoaster of a ride that got us to the most amazing place we've ever been.

We ended 2010 with a new normal after our devastating loss in September. I was ready to start moving on, ready to try again. We had planned for another IVF in February and were looking forward to getting away one more time before it to Disneyland and Vegas (which was glorious). I wasn't running, I was up 20lbs, and I was accepting where we were. Work was brutal, per usual, and my heart longed for what we lost.

January saw some unfortunate health testing- a lot of cortisol tests that weren't great and a glucose test that showed I might be pre-diabetic. We've learned now to ignore that doctor...he's always causing trouble. Might not be the healthiest of mind sets, but I'm much better when I'm not seeing him and getting all mixed up in the throws of "what else could be wrong with me". We were revving up for our second shot at IVF in February.

February- oh my lovely February. I can't believe how different, and better, it was from round 1 (except for the fluid in my uterus...that was the same drama of course).

March was even better, obviously, because that's when we transferred our two beautiful embryos, found out that, yes, we were pregnant, and yes, it was looking better than the last time, and whoa...it's twins (my favorite blog post, ever)!!!

April was a month of ups and downs- as we saw two heartbeats for the first time, but we also saw hyperemesis begin and a leave from work as well. My 28th birthday marked my last day in the office...after that I truly couldn't stand up without needing to dry heave. My parents brought over a huge basket full of home remedies for nausea for my birthday present, if that tells you anything! :) We also had a pretty scary bleeding episode in April...a feeling I never wish on anyone.

May was also rough in the hyperemesis department, and it was first time coming clean on this blog to talk about what was really going on in my head. I wasn't in a good place- I was miserable and it was hard for me to talk about being miserable when I had finally broken free of the IF merry-go-round (at least the TTC part). We hit 12 weeks and I started to think about this pregnancy actually sticking around for the long haul which was so miraculous to me, so amazing. Yet, I was still so miserable in my failing body.

June, we found out that we were having a Boy and a Girl!!! Our little lady and big bubba felt so much more real at that point, and we started to actually buy baby things (eek!). I started back to work in June as my sick little tummy was doing a little better everyday.

B felt the babies kick for the first time in July, and it was the sweetest thing. I started nesting in July and made a wicked to-do list that was the only way we were even remotely ready for these babies to arrive (looking back...we still had a LOT to do that we weren't aware of then, haha). We started meeting with pediatricians and daycares (which I still am not 100% ok with at this point, ugh. That's a whole other blog post yet again!) Oh, and I started rocking the preggo bikini in July, too! nice.

Oh August- August brought us viability at 24 weeks and a completely different feeling about the pregnancy. It was like a huge weigh had been lifted. My Mom, sister-in-law, and best friend threw me the most amazing and unreal baby shower you've ever seen (go check out the photos if you haven't yet- wow). And we went on our babiesmoon (so, so, so glad we did this- if you're considering doing it...make sure you do!)

We started setting up the nursery in September...what a difference a year can make! I started working from home quite a bit, which was awesome because mama was getting large and in charge by that point!! I was getting lots of braxton hicks contractions, but everything was looking good for our 11/2/11 c-section date. Oh, and this post has an awesome picture of my enormously swelling ankles- something I DO NOT miss about carrying my two beautiful little ones around :)

And then there was October. Oh glorious, glorious October. I started the month thinking "just one more month and then our November babies will be here!" I ended the month with two tiny, precious children in my arms.

By 33 weeks, I was about done feeling so huge. I started getting a lot more uncomfortable and was tired of needing help to get off the couch. :) I also started itching really, really bad. I didn't know what it was about, but my doctor ordered some blood tests and by 34 weeks I was diagnosed with cholestasis and taking medication to get it in check. Right after our two year wedding anniversary, we were moved to 10/26 rather than 11/2 for a c-section, but our luckies couldn't even wait that long. They wanted to share a birthday with their Papa- and on 10/22/11, at 2:56 and 2:57am, our miracles were born feet first (their birth story and pics!)!

November was a month of firsts! Grace and Caleb had their first month-birthday. B turned the big 3-0 the day after the baby's first Thanksgiving! My parents came over and brought us turkey dinner which was totally awesome. We got our newborn photos back from the beginning of the month (10 days old) and love them! They started growing really well in November, which is good because I was struggling with some baby-blue guilt over delivering them early (although 35 weeks with twins is great, but hormones will do that to you). I also lost about 50 pounds by the beginning of the month...but most of it was baby and water weight. haha

December has been intense! Caleb is now ginormous, above average for a full term two month old at 12lbs. Grace is watching her girlish figure and coming in on the low end for two month olds, but so tiny and cute at 9lbs 9oz! Mr. Caleb had to go to the hospital with an RSV scare, but his lungs have been great- he just can't seem to get those tiny sinuses to grow! Oh, and the babies decided to smile and hold hands this month- love. We had a visit from B's mom and then B's little sister this month- so glad they got to see the babies! His little brother is coming next week. Christmas was phenomenal, I'll post some pics below. We woke up and did Christmas morning as a family of four, and then went to my parents house to do Christmas with our family. Traveling even the 45 minutes for an afternoon away from the house is stressful- having to pack milk, bottles, bouncy seats because Caleb wasn't sleeping flat yet...it's all a bit much. Luckily they seem to be good at not crying when we're with the family...but they completely freak out for about three days afterward. Awesome. haha

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year...and I hope beyond hope that those of you who are still awaiting your miracles find them in 2012.

2011 in photos: