It continues...

Of course the cytotec didn't work.  About six hours of the big D (I mean, bad, real bad), and pretty much nothing else.  I had sharp stabbing pains in my stomach pretty quickly after taking it (800 mcg), and then some sporadic pains around my uterus, but no full blown cramps like I've known all too well.  Nothing. 

I called the doctor's office at around 6pm on Saturday, about 12 hours after starting the medicine.  I left a message asking if the refill on the prescription was in case it hadn't worked. In case I didn't miscarry right away.  They called back and said unfortunately no.  The refill wouldn't matter, it's "treatment failure".  It either works or it doesn't. A double dose won't help.

So today I've been ok.  Thinking about how it will all be over on Tuesday. Really over.  No waiting and wondering afterward.  I'll take the day off of work and just be.  I'll close this chapter and then B and I will finally get to talk about our life without this waiting game.  We'll make some plans, we'll start to look forward.

My parents came over tonight and brought us dinner. They also brought my favorite homemade soup for Tuesday... and roses.  They sat with us and talked, watched football, smiled. 

I don't feel like Tuesday will be too bad.  They said it feels a lot like after the retrieval, some cramping but nothing too crazy.  I wonder how I'll feel emotionally.  I wonder if I'll cry.  I keep thinking there can't possibly be anymore reason to cry.  And then that fails.

But I'm doing ok today.  I'm ready. As ready as you can be, you know?