First, thank you for all of your support from my last post. I know I shouldn't feel guilty for complaining or not really enjoying being miserably sick...it's hard to get past the guilt sometimes. This is such an amazing community, I'm so glad I started writing about my journey. This post should be a little less depressed, with a side of way too much reality, and quite a bit of TMI sprinkled in...
Fourteen weeks! We get to find out the sexes in LESS than a week, I can't wait. I think of the different possibilities- boy,girl or girl,girl or boy,boy...I'd be so happy with any of them! All have their own benefits...I just hope everything keeps going well with the little luckies. I can't help but get nervous from time to time, but I guess I'm lucky to have the nausea remind me that something is for sure going on in there. Silver lining? Oh, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that boy,girl would be rock star just a little bit...
I haven't thrown up in a few days y'all!!!!! Alert the presses! I'm still nauseous almost all of the time, but yesterday for the first time in probably 7 weeks I had my first short break from nausea! It was glorious. I mean, F'ing GLORIOUS! Lasted maybe an hour and 15 minutes in the morning. Please, please, please let that come back. I'm back to not a moment without it today so far...and the evenings are usually worse. But there are degrees to the nausea. There's queasy, there's sick to my stomach, there's "my stomach is doing flips", there's "I want to reach in and rip my stomach out and set it across the room while I throw darts at it", then there's dry heaving, vomiting, and "I can't stop vomiting and I'm choking on it!". Yes- this is hyperemesis. I was mostly sick to my stomach this morning. Of course, I've noticed that if I don't eat just a little something every hour or so, that turns way worse. I just went about two hours without food because honestly, food is the LAST thing I want most of the time. I shot up to dry heaving. But luckily a few pretzels helped a bit.
Oh- and I was super excited yesterday that I ate an ENTIRE bowl of chicken noodle soup (the whole can!). And then today I decided to try again...and then I looked at the can. There's only 200 calories in a whole can of that damn soup- only 10 grams of protein. What a cheat. Last night I told B everything I ate (which was seriously a red letter day with the amount that I ate- it was amazing) and he tallied a bit and replied "That's about 2500 calories! Great job"- enter depression sinking in. The doc said I should try to get 3500 calories...and I ate WAY more than normal or than felt comfortable yesterday to only wind up at 2500. Baby steps, and a great big CONGRATS to me for eating that much if I do say so myself. B's always there to encourage me though, thank God. I would have stopped eating and went for the feeding tube weeks ago without him. He's my rock.
I actually got out of the house for the first time (other than doctor's appts) this past weekend. Went to my parent's house to lay around there instead. I ate some pot roast and had some peaches and ice cream!!! I also took a shower that day. Big day in our lives people, big day! More to come??? Pleasepleaseplease!
I still haven't gained any weight back even though I'm eating more than I used to and haven't thrown up the past few days. Argh! But I'm not losing really. As soon as I stopped the IV fluids I lost about 3 more pounds immediately (within 24 hours)...so I'm still hanging in right there, down about 15 or so. My belly is getting bigger though! :) I don't get dressed much, having anything pressing on my stomach makes me feel sick, so I lay around in a beater and boy shorts most of the time. Sexy! Especially with a growing belly- this beater is not a maternity shirt so it just rides up and makes me look uber trashy. Oh if these walls could talk.
B and I are sleeping in separate rooms now, did I mention that? If he breathes on me I lose it, poor guy. And I'm sleeping so lightly and getting up to pee so much that any snoring or loud breathing is the end of my z's, so he's volunteered to pack it up for the guest room for a bit. I hate it. I miss him so much, seriously. I just want to cuddle!!! I'm hormonal and sick and I'm a cuddler- this is cruel.
A few more symptoms for my journal of pregnancy: constipation is back and brutal, I'm taking colace every day. Seriously, I'm pooing rocks over here (sorry). If I don't take proto.nix every day I get pretty gnarley heartburn. Now, I'm hardly eating and yet I get heartburn. I never had heartburn before this. Wtf? We've upped my anti-nausea meds to the highest dose they'll allow which seems to be helping a bit (no throwing up!!), but it doesn't really affect the nausea as much as the vomiting. I'll take it though. Um...how do I say this... the lady bits are not my friends. All of them. I've got itching. I've got discharge. I've got flaky stuff on the ladies up top...it's adorable, really, all of it. I google something new every day just to find that it's "fairly" common. I just happen to get ALL of it. I'm on the bump message boards most days to see what other ladies at the same stage are feeling, and I HATE when those ladies come on and say "I wish I felt more pregnant right now. I mean, I feel exactly the same, blah blah blah". No offense to any of you who are preggo with no symptoms, seriously. I know that that would be rough not knowing what's going on in there or wondering/worrying all the time. I completely understand that. But I'd just like a couple hours of it here and there. Maybe long enough to watch a whole movie without itching downstairs, without peeing three times, without dry heaving and making my husband leave the room, and maybe with a nice poo! haha, honestly, I'm sorry. I've lost all shame. It's gone.
OH- I discovered "Glee". If you don't watch Glee, Netflix it immediately. Seriously. If I can like it through this horrid sickness, you'll definitely like it. (Caveat- if you absolutely hate hate hate musicals, that last statement may not fly for you...B doesn't like it...but you have to at least try).
And now, some things I've been looking at online that I really really want to go look at in person:
Seriously?? too much. love.
That's a rug. Done.
I will not need this where I live, but...swoon.
OMG I want the entire fruit collection....boys could where oranges or pears, right? Oh B would be so mad.
I mean, even if I didn't want to...I have to. It's a requirement.
Those are little safari animals. :)
It's says "boo boo"...enough said.
Ok- maybe it's still too soon. Remember, I'm just looking. No one's buying or anything. ;)