Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Weekly Wednesay Weigh-In (EPIC FAIL)

This is awesome.  I super don't want to write this post today cuz it makes me mad...but honestly, I've got no one to blame but myself.  SO here goes...

I've been holding steady at 205, about 5lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight, since about 2 or 3 weeks post-partum. Then, the first week I do the Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In and put it all out there for the interwebs to see...I go and gain 3 pounds! ha!

This is what happens when you don't actually DO what you say you're gonna do to try and change the lifestyle. :)

So, bag of potato chips, box of chocolate covered almonds, and jug of orange are NOT my friends anymore. You've been there for me, through all of the post-partum blues, all of the sleepless nights, and all of the "holy crap I haven't eaten in 10 hours and I have about 2 minutes before they start screaming" moments.  I appreciate it, I do.  But you've officially stalled my weight loss, and I've go about 25 pounds to go.  So please, no offense, but back the F up. 

Like how I blame shift there?  Yeah.  The almonds did it. Not me.

So let's get serious here.  I don't wanna. I really, really don't wanna.  I want to continue to eat whatever I want, whenever I want.  And I want breastfeeding two children to make it all melt away like magic wizardry.  Why won't that happen? ANSWER ME!

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Starting Weight: 205#

Last Week's Weight: 205# (was approximately 200# at time of BFP, before the hyperemesis kicked in, was up to 250# by 35 weeks pregnant)

Current Weight: 208#

Goal Weight: 180# (normal would be 144-189)

Starting BMI: 27 (I'm 6'1" by the way)

Last Week's BMI: 27

Current BMI: 27.4 (curse you .4!!!)

Goal BMI: 23.7 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals:
I'm sticking with my previous goals, but adding one nutritional goal

- Drink 16oz of water everytime I pump
- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal
- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program

- Limit to one "treat" per day!!!

Progress on last week's activities/goals:
- Currently I'm drinking a pretty good amount of water most days, but I'm not consistent by any means. I've cut back on the OJ which is good.  I haven't been as good about drinking water this week as past weeks, though.

- My eating habits are horrific. Truly.  I don't want to try and pull a 180 here or anything, cuz that's just gonna backfire.  But I need to get my ass in gear and stop pretending like I'm "weigh-invincible".  So while I'm going to try and get protein at most of my meals and snacks, I'm also going to try and limit to one treat per day rather than the one treat per hour of the past 13 weeks...yikes.
- This week I did a lot better on the running!  I am now up to Week 2 of the C25k program, I did Day 2 today!  I'm hoping that I can be consistent with this because it really makes a big difference in my mood.  On Monday, I got out right after B came home from work so I could leave the babies with him and have a little me time.  Today I went out with the babies right after their 1pm feeding when I knew they'd be sleepy and they passed out.  It was also perfection because they stayed sleepy enough to chill out in the stroller so I could push them into the bathroom and take a shower while keeping an eye on them! I'm hoping to run on Mondays, Wednesdays, and then either Friday or Saturday if possible. 

Activities for this coming week:
-Couch to 5k Week 2 and beginning Week 3 (oh MAN it's soooo much harder to run while pushing a double jogging stroller- I'm gonna be in wicked good shape if I can keep up with pushing them while I run)

-Walk with the babies if not jogging

On-going Life Style Goals:
- Drink 16oz of water everytime I pump

- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal

- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program

-Limit to one treat per day

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

Ok, for my own benefit, here are some super quick protein enriched snacks that I need to start eating rather than the chips and candy I've been devouring (some of these I may have to avoid because I'm trying to cut back on dairy to help the littles...we'll see):

- Apple with peanut butter
- Grapes and string cheese (so delicious together!)
- Deli turkey wrapped cheddar
- Greek yogurt
- Greek yogurt and granola
- Oatmeal with raisins and almonds (and of course a bit of brown sugar, c'mon)
- Dried fruit and nuts (the Fruit Nut Medley from Costco is AMAZING)
- Pita chips and hummus
- Peanut butter and jelly toast on whole wheat bread

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Three Months Old!

My sweet, sweet Grace and Caleb:

You're three months old today and I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that you're not tiny newborns anymore! There's so much about the both of you that is still so new, so fragile. But there's so much more that has changed and shaped into these two big personalities, my babies!

Gracie Mae, my beautiful little girl.  You, my love, have become such an easy going and curious little lady! You would spend hours just staring at all of the different sights around you if you didn't have to do that whole sleep/eat/poop thing that babies do.  I find you staring at the ceiling fan, the curtains, the window, and the tv all the time- just exploring this big world around you. You're very contemplative, and you're content to sit and watch most of the time.  You do have your fussy moments, but you know what you want and you're just trying to let us know what that is (and my love, it's almost always your best friend the BINKY!).

Today you are just barely fitting into three month clothes, finally!  There are still some 0-3 month outfits that are big on you, but you're growing everyday (slowly but surely).  You're in size 1 diapers and they're starting to fit you a little better nowadays.  You're eating 3-4 ounces of breast milk at every feeding, and you're starting to space out your bottles a little more now, too! 

You still have dark blue eyes, and I'm starting to wonder if you're going to keep them instead of being a brown eyed girl like I thought. They're so big and SO pretty, I could stare into them all day long. 

You've got a bald spot on the back of your head from the countless times you look from left to right to left again...all of that curiosity and exploring at work!  But you've still got a head of dark brown hair that almost has a redish tint in the light.  It's not as full or thick as it used to be, but you've got the cutest little rat tail on the back of your head where it's kept growing!

You LOVE to be naked most of the time, I think  you might be a bit uncomfortable in your clothes because baby girl, you've got some dry skin.  I'm pretty sure you have eczema, just like your mommy!  We are putting some cream on it to try and help, hopefully that starts making you feel a little less squirmy.  You really love being in the water and we had your first full bath in the big bathtub with mommy just a few days ago!  You kicked and splashed around almost the whole time and seemed to love it for a little while. When you started grunting it was time to get out, but man oh man did you scream when we pulled you out!

You have discovered your brother and you can't stop staring at him. He's a pretty interesting guy, but he hasn't quite figured you out yet, so usually you just stare at him while he continues to do whatever he's doing.  There's a few things that will pull you away though, like the lion on your play mat! You will bat at that thing over and over to hear the jingle bell noise it makes.  You've also started to try and grab the rings on your play mat, and you got them a couple of times, but not quite consistently yet.

You struggled with tummy time up until about a week ago, and now you're doing great at it (as long as you don't spit up...which usually happens after about three minutes on your tummy, poor little lady!).  You'll check yourself out in the mirror and try to stare at your brother again.  But your favorite thing right now is the bumbo chair because it gives you a great view to check out everything around you! Even the cat, who you've grown fond of recently!

Grace, I don't ever want to forget the way you open your eyes super wide whenever I make a funny sound or do something new.  My favorite time of the day is when I get you out of your crib in the morning, the house is really quiet, and you look at me with the biggest smile on your face.  You're still a little shy with your smiles, so when you decide to flash one at me, it absolutely melts my heart.  I will do anything for a Grace smile.

I love you so much, baby girl.  I dream of all the things that we'll do together when you're older.  I stare at your tiny hands and your absolutely perfect feet and think about us getting pedicures together, or walking you to the bus stop holding your hand.  I can't wait to see what next month brings, but I also never want you to grow out of this tiny baby phase.  You're so little and so beautiful, I hope you know how in love with you I am and how my world revolves around your coos and gurgles.

My handsome Caleb, you've grown so much this month and your little personality is shining through more every day!  You have the most infectious smile and I absolutely adore that you flash it when you hear my voice!  You're a bit of a momma's boy and I couldn't be happier! I could snuggle you all day, and I love when you fall asleep on the bottle in my arms.

It seems like every day you get bigger and bigger.  You're over 15 pounds now, probably closer to 16! You're wearing size 6 months clothes most of the time, and when we try to fit you into 3 month stuff, you look like a sausage! You love to eat and sometimes, even if I don't want to, you demand to be fed.  You're a strong willed little man already, and you make sure to let us know when you've got something to say! You eat 5-7 ounces of breast milk every feed...and sometimes you'll down up to 9 ounces in one sitting! It's hard to keep up with you, but luckily I've been able to so far so you have enough to eat.  I'm just hoping 9 is your max :)

You've really found your voice over the past few weeks and you'll spend all of play time chatting up your toys and squawking at me to pay attention to you, which I don't mind in the least!  Your noises are so cute, I wish I could keep them filling the house forever...but I know these noises will change and grow into even better sounds of laughter soon, and I can't wait! You look like you're on the verge of laughing all the time, but you haven't gotten one out yet. I'm on the edge of my seat in anticipation, though!

You were rocking out tummy time for a while there, and you were actually pushing up a little bit. Recently it seems you've had a little more trouble, I think because you're growing so fast and it's hard for your little muscles to keep up! But you've taken on a new fondness for playing on your mat on your back! You'll swat at the toys hanging above you, and you've developed really good aim! You'll bat the lion and the elephant over and over again. I can see you thinking about grabbing the rings, and every once in a while, you'll try.  You haven't been able to do it yet, but you're getting close! You usually play with your arms locked straight out, so it makes it hard for you to really grab...but you're starting to bend and open your fists a bit,so I think it's coming soon!

You also rolled over from tummy to back for the first time a few days ago, and unfortunately I missed it...but Daddy saw! I can't wait for you to do it again, can you make sure I'm there next time?

My love, you've got your fussy times and the doctor said you might have colic. The night times are a little rough for you sometimes and all you want is to be held and walked around (facing outward) so you can check out what's going on around you. You love the movement, and I wish I knew what was making you so sad.  But sometimes you're super happy at night and loving to play and smile at me.  Hopefully we'll see more good nights come in the next month! For now, we'll keep walking you around or putting you in your swing (you LOVE napping in your swing!) to make you feel better.  You're also still fighting an eye infection and we've had to give you antibiotics in your bottles twice a day this past week, and you've been on two rounds of antibiotic eye meds (we had to put ointment in your eye for a week, then drops for a week- poor guy, I'm so sorry!).  It's getting better, but you'll wake up crying and scratching at your we have to keep your little hands in mittens so you don't actually scratch it. We're trying to make you feel better, and hopefully it will go away soon so you don't have to be uncomfortable, little man! I hate seeing you sad!

Caleb, I never want to forget the adorable little squeaks you make when you're sleepily eating in my arms. You gobble down your food and have to stop to take a rest. Each breath you take comes out with a tiny little squeak and it is the cutest thing in the world.  I also don't want to forget how funny you look when you're focusing on pooping! It gets me to laugh every time, even if you ruin every outfit we've bought for you!  You squint, and arch your back and then make the cutest little noises...I'm going to remind you of this when you're older and probably 250 pounds of muscle!

Baby boy, I can't tell you enough how much I love you.  You have completely changed me and I look forward to every Caleb smile and every squawk! I feel so lucky to have you and to be able to soothe you when you're sad or uncomfortable. I hope you know how much you mean to me and I can't wait for what next month will bring.  Maybe don't grow quite so fast though, because I need to hold onto your snuggles for as long as possible! They make my world go around. 

My babies, my luckies.  This has been an absolutely amazing three months learning your personalities, your cries, your noises; making you smile and trying to get you to laugh!  Thank you for filling my heart with such love and such indescribable joy. Oh, and thank you for deciding to sleep 6 hours in a row last night, you made my day! :)

I love you, Grace and Caleb, with all of my heart!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In: 12 Weeks Post-Partum

I'm joining in (way late) on Josey's Wednesday Weekly Weigh-Ins because, wow, I need to.  Mainly 1) I'm super unmotivated to do anything healthy for myself cuz I'm putting basically all of me into these babies and 2) ugh, I can't fit into ANYTHING right now. I mean, nothing.  My maternity stuff fits wrong, my normal clothes fit wrong. I'm not that far from my pre-pregnancy weight or size, but I'm just a bit, I wasn't where I needed to be pre-pregnancy anyway.  I had IVF weight to boot, and some post-miscarriage weight as well...when I wasn't up for anything remotely healthy either.

So here I go- I haven't taken any pictures of myself since the night the babies were born, so I'll try to remember to do that next week...even though I really, really don't want to. Ugh.  But it's important that I stop living in denial, put down the sour candies and potato chips, and get my ass in gear.  Not just for me, but for my little family as well.  They need me to be happy and healthy!

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Starting Weight: 205# today mid-day (I'll try to take a morning weight next week- but I have to eat and drink a ton overnight anyway- more on that in my next post on my pumping-lifestyle!)

Last Week's Weight: 205# (was approximately 200# at time of BFP, before the hyperemesis kicked in, was up to 250# by 35 weeks pregnant)

Current Weight: 205#
Goal Weight: 180# (normal would be 144-189)

Starting BMI: 27

Last Week's BMI: 27

Current BMI: 27

Goal BMI: 23.7 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals:

I'm going to go with some of Josey's great recommendations here-

- Drink 16oz of water everytime I pump

- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal

- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program

Progress on last week's activities/goals:

- Currently I'm drinking a pretty good amount of water most days, but I'm not consistent by any means.  I'm often drinking a lot of orange juice, which I need to cut back on.

- My eating habits have tanked severely and I need to get them back in line asap.  I  know myself, and jumping in feet first never produces good results- so I'm going to work gradually at this by upping my protein intake before starting to cut any of the bad stuff out.  I know I need more protein, and being conscious of this helps me eat better anyway.

- This week I've only walked .5 miles once, but I was carrying Caleb in a carrier, so that's gotta count for something. ;)  I need to commit to taking the babies out at least twice per week and if I can't get three times, then I need to get out once on my own when B gets home from work!  So far I've done the C25k three times total...still working on "Week 1". By the middle of next week I'd like to have done two more rounds and be starting on Week 2.

Activities for this coming week:

-Couch to 5k Week 1
-Walk with the babies if not jogging

On-going Life Style Goals:

- Drink 16oz of water everytime I pump
- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal
- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

Couch to 5k Running Program is totally the only way I started running and was able to get to running a half marathon.  I started small so I would avoid any injuries or burn out and it absolutely worked. It built in me a love for running which I NEVER thought I'd have.  Download the C25k podcasts to help yourself out during the runs, it's a life saver. I hate having to watch a clock or count mileage during a run.  After just a few months, you'll be looking for 5k's to race in like I did- amazing!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

12 Weeks Old- wow!

I mean, I can't believe they're almost three months! 

I really need to get to bed but I wanted to commemorate the 12 week mark.  We're having a rough go around here right now.  Caleb has a staff infection in his eye that's gotten worse.  B is coming down with something, I think the flu, so he isn't able to help with feedings- brutal to do this alone by the way.  And little Gracie seems to be having some worse-than-usual tummy trouble (i hope hope hope she's not getting sick).

But they're also smiling a lot more.  And swatting at their toys more. And I can see that they really really want to grab things, but they can't yet and they get frustrated and it's totally cute.

The cooing is pretty stellar, too.  :)

Here are some pics of the last week:

Look at that sore eye :(

Ps- Had my first cycle since I got knocked up at the doctor's office.  Not cool- I thought I'd get a little more time since I'm still exclusively pumping- no go.  But it's awesome that I'm still able to exclusively pump, even with my ginormous son eating 8 or 9 ounces in a feeding from time to time. Yikes.  He's already almost 15lbs! Not even three months old!

Pss- Pumping sucks.  As soon as I finally get the babies down I have to hook up to a machine for 20 minutes- which doesn't really feel as relaxing as it may seem!  :(

Psss- I'm so tired.  I really appreciate the helpful tips on my last post about the soothing techniques- we're using the 5 s's a lot- but not always.   It helps calm them down, but won't get them to sleep.  I make sure to put them down between every feeding when I notice their sleep cues- I'm not sure if I'm trying to get them to sleep too much or if I'm too late....but they have the hardest time staying asleep (and sometimes falling asleep).  They're addicted to their binkies now which sucks cuz they spit them out every 4 minutes...ugh.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  And they WON'T go to bed (and stay asleep) before 10pm. They totally fight it and I'm not ready to do CIO or anything yet so it's been a bit of a mess.  We don't have a great bed time routine, maybe that's the problem.  But they don't like baths, so I can't use that.  What else can I do?  And should I do it at the time they're actually going to sleep, or when I want them to go to sleep?

Psssssss-  I'm so totally in love with these tiny little creatures!  I can't stand how blessed we are, and how lucky I feel.  I keep remembering back when we weren't sure we'd ever get here.  When I get super tired of pumping or really overwhelmed, I think of Petri- of our journey. And I think of those of you who are still in it.  It's not fair- none of it, really.  The guilt I feel for being overwhelmed, the fact that it was so hard to get here- which contributes to these difficult feelings I have now...and the face that it happened for us but hasn't happened for so many wonderful men and women who have helped me so much through this.  It's like I don't feel worthy... I guess I'm just a mess. 

Saturday, January 7, 2012

11 Weeks!

Well we've had quite the busy week since New Year's!  The littles are growing everyday- especially Mr. Caleb and his hugeness.  We unfortunately had to take him to urgent care today because his eye is infected :( and it turns out he's about 14lbs already! Remember when he was 5lbs???

I'll be taking both of them into the pediatrician on Monday for a follow up for Caleb- so we'll probably get to weigh Grace then too.  She's not eating much- sometimes only 20 ounces in a day. So I of course get worried when I see the difference between the two of them. I know, I know- I shouldn't compare. But how hard is that?!

We had a wonderfully relaxing New Years- went to Oregano's and the babies did pretty well.  We had to feed Caleb there cuz he got hungry and fussy, but it wasn't a big deal.  Grace slept the whole time.

They have for sure settled into their witching hours of about 7pm-10pm every night which is rough. Sometimes they will catnap during that time and only fuss when they're awake.  Other times they will fuss (or scream on a bad night) the whole time. It's awful.  We've found that Caleb needs to be walked around in our arms or a carrier to calm down.  Grace needs her binky. Immediately. Did you hear me?!?!? IMMEDIATELY! ;)

We've moved to only napping out in the living room during the day.  They totally resist naps in their cribs for some reason. But they sleep in them perfectly at night- weird.  They are waking up about every four hours at night which is much better than every three! They've gone a couple five hour stretches, too!

Tummy time has also taken a wonderful turn for the better. They don't hate it anymore.  Caleb totally holds his head up- Grace is a bit lazy/weak with it still.  But it's so much better than before.

See the eye swelling?? :( It looks worse in person, too.

Grace rocking out tummy time

Who's that pretty girl? It's ME!

Sleeping in the living room- love this photo

The swing is a good nap inducer

Mommy's new jogging stroller!