Five Months!

My beautiful Grace and handsome Caleb,

You two are five months old today! I spent a little extra time watching each of you play today, breathing in your quickly fading "smallness" and admiring your ever growing personalities and energy!  On your five month birthday, I still can't believe that you're here in my arms, that I could be so lucky to be called your Mommy.

Precious Gracie,

You, my dear, are our tiny little princess.  As your brother sky rockets to the top (and off) of all of the growth charts, you have steadily maintained your spot as little baby girl, hanging out below the 50th percent for all of your measurements.  And I just couldn't love it more!  I adore your tinyness, how light you feel in my arms as I rock you down for your naps, how easy it is to hold you over my head for our new fun game of rocket ship, and how small your little hands feel as they hold my fingers while you eat.  I still catch myself treating you like a newborn, trying to just snuggle with you when you wake up from a nap or asking you to fall asleep on my chest. The smallness has worked to our advantage in that we're getting some good use out of all the clothes we bought you because you aren't growing out of them all too fast.  You're also using all of the smaller sized diapers that we bought when your brother was wearing them but grew out of them extremely fast! You're in size 2 diapers, but they're still a little big on you.  And you're in size 6 month clothes (but honestly, you could still fit into size 3 month and probably some newborn stuff if I really wanted to try...) While you still feel so small to me, you're anything but a newborn these days!

You've taken off this month in your ability to move around and "play"!  You love tummy time and will gladly hang out on your stomach for nearly the entire playtime if you have some of your favorite toys to reach for and chew on.  I put your favorite rattle (all kinds of colors and loops to hang onto! how fun!) just out of your reach while you were doing some tummy time today and you squirmed and grunted your way closer and closer until you lunged for it and won your prize! I can't believe my little girl is already moving around like that. You're rolling over all the time so I can let you just hang on the mat and do whatever it is that you'd like! It's so fun to watch you play now with your determination, giggles, and sometimes frustration (when you can't figure out how to get to something...or can't get the entire toy in your mouth like you want to). You're just this tiny little person, growing up so fast!
You've started to recognize that any object can be your toy and love grabbing for whatever it is that I'm holding.  You love playing with empty water bottles and trying to get my phone into your mouth.  Pretty much anything that you come into contact with needs to see the inside of your mouth before deemed acceptable as your play thing.  I have so much fun watching you explore anything and everything.

I will say that while I love watching you play, I'll always miss those days of snuggling while you were awake.  You want to be moving and shaking now as you learn about the world around you. But part of that new growth comes one of my favorite things about you- your giggle! The giggles have really started to come out now,  you're not holding them back anymore.  We get you to laugh by blowing raspberries on your neck and tummy, making big surprised faces and noises at you, tickling and kissing your feet, and holding you up over our heads to fly you around.  You make a cute little laugh and snort in between each chuckle! It lights up my day every single time.

You're eating pretty well right now.  You went through a short period where you weren't eating much at all, but you're pretty regularly taking about 4-5  ounces per bottle 4 times per day, and then two larger bottles of about 6-7 ounces (right before bed and then when you wake up to eat in the early AM).  You're sleeping pretty well recently, waking up for a binky replacement around midnight sometimes and around 3am, but not acting hungry until around 5 or so most days.  Sometimes even later.  Then you fall back to sleep until around 8am.  You just recently figured out this whole napping thing and most days you'll take at least one  longer nap of over an hour.  You will also throw in one shorter nap before bedtime, which now is SO early at about 6:30pm.  I wish you two would stay up a bit later, but if we wait any longer you fall asleep in the living room! You are still addicted to your binky, but you've been a little more vocal about not wanting it each time I think you do, so you'll purse your lips and push it away- you're getting quite the little attitude at times, but it's great that you're showing us what you want and don't want! And honestly, I think your diva-ways are way too cute. :)

Speaking of Diva,  you've recently taken to "stranger danger" and have cried when someone else tries to hold you other than Mommy or Daddy.  While I love the attention, I'm worried about you starting daycare in a couple of weeks when Mommy goes back to work.  You were resisting even your Papa holding you last weekend, but luckily when he came to watch you yesterday you were all smiles and VERY willing to let him hold you and rock you to sleep! :)

Grace, I never want to forget how cute you are when you try to stick an entire toy in your mouth and get mad when it's just not possible.  I love how vibrant you are and how your personality is standing you more and more each day.  Please don't stop giving me those beautiful wide open mouth grins! I absolutely melt when I see your cute gummy smile, which is so often nowadays. You're such a happy little girl!

I also never want to forget how adorable your hair is right now! It's so fuzzy and it sticks straight up.  Especially right after you get a bath! You've become very fond of bath time and you rarely ever cry afterwards anymore.  You like to splash around so much that I decided it was time for your first adventure to the big swimming pool! We took you to an infant swim class and you did so well.  You didn't love floating on your back too much, but you still did it for a long time.  You looked adorable in your red and white polka dot bikini!  You also looked so cute staring in the mirror on the side of the pool. Your Daddy and I traded off who was holding who in the pool, and you had fun with both of us.  But I think you're still a Daddy's girl at heart.

Your eczema seems to be getting a lot better, and I'm hoping that the chlorine from the pool will help like it always did for mine. We put lotion all over you after every bath and before bedtime each night. I think that's helping a lot!  I've also cut out all dairy foods which seems to help both you and your brother. You're both less fussy and you have pretty much stopped spitting up completely! I think it might be helping with your eczema, too.  You're now taking two bottles of formula a day and the rest is still breastmilk.  I'm weaning you  off of breastmilk slowly so you can have formula at daycare when I go back to work.

Little lady, my sweet sweet baby girl, I can't fathom how I even lived so long without you.  You and your brother are my entire world and I love every minute of looking into those beautiful big blue eyes.  I can't wait to see just what amazing thing you'll do next! I love you with all of my heart.


Caleb, my big boy!

You, little guy, are not so little anymore.  You're over 19 pounds now, and you're already in size 9 month clothes!  You've just grown out of your size 3 diapers, so we had to rush out for some size 4's to avoid any more leaks...  I think we're in denial about how big you're getting so fast. But I'm loving every inch of squishy, chubby cuteness!

I think my favorite part of how big you're getting is the huge cheeks you get when you give me one of your famous open mouth Caleb smiles!  All of those chins and your adorable dimple come out with each of your smiles and they make me giddy with joy. You smile all.the.time, when I smile at you, talk to you, tickle your tummy or chest, pinch your cheeks, hold you over my head, or bounce you up and down.  You love all of it! It's so much fun to hang out with you because you're just so happy!

You pretty much love everybody. You'll flash those gummy grins to anyone who smiles back at you. But you save the best ones for me, I think.  You're very cuddly and when you're tired you just collapse into my arms and give me a huge bear hug.  I love rocking you before your naps because you get so quiet and calm and breathe into my ear this enormously peaceful sigh.  That's when I know you're ready for your nap, and it makes me so happy you feel so calm in my arms.

You are napping for about 40 minutes at a time max at this point, and your sleeping at night has been pretty rough lately. Sometimes you wake up every hour or more at night just for a binky.  I don't know if it's that you're hungry or restless, but I know you are having a lot of trouble falling to sleep most nights.  You will slam your legs down in your crib when you startle yourself as you try to doze off, I can tell you're frustrated and just want to sleep! Poor baby.

You're also still having some trouble eating a lot of the time. You eat a good amount still, about 5-6 ounces in 4 bottles and 7-8 ounces in the other two.  But you will pull off of the bottle like you're full, but then want more soon after.  And sometimes you pull off of the bottle screaming like you're in pain.  Sometimes it takes an hour to feed you your bottle because you're pulling away and then asking for more over and over again. We went to the doctor a few days ago but they're not sure what it is.  We'll keep trying, though buddy!  Although, sometimes you're perfectly fine and take your bottle without a hitch. Usually you're sleepy at those times, so we think you might just be really distracted...

There's so much to look at and explore now that you're growing up!  You haven't rolled over yet, but you're getting a lot stronger every day.  You can bear weight on your legs more now, so we practice standing up every day.  You started going crazy on your play mat trying to swing at the toys.  You get into destructive mode and swing like you really mean it! You've ripped down all of the rings on both mats, you've got quite the arm little dude!

You also started splashing around a lot more in the bath.  You used to just sit in there very relaxed. But recently you've discovered it's a lot more fun to try and kill the water with your powerful swinging and kicking.  We took you to the pool last week and you LOVED it! You especially loved when Daddy was blowing bubbles in your face.  You just kept smiling and giggling. You didn't really like it when he poured water over your head...we might have jumped the gun on that one. Sorry buddy.

Your favorite toy is this stuffed monkey that honestly looks a little "off", but you love when we tickle your tummy with it.  Of course you love the hanging toys on your playmat, and your starting to try to put toys in your mouth, too!

Little man, I never want to forget the conversations we have as you practice your "GOOO"s and your "MMMM"s!! You will talk and talk all day long. And you absolutely love it when I talk back to you and mimick the noises you're making.  You start smiling so big that it's hard for you to talk anymore! :)

I can't tell you how much fun I'm having watching you learn and grow every day.  I love when we stare at each other and just smile for a while.  I could look at those beautiful hazel eyes all day, they're looking more and more like your Daddy's every time I look at you. I hope you know how in love with you I am, bubba.  You're such a sweet and funny little guy, I just adore you!


Luckies, my precious littles.  I have had the most amazing five months at home with you.  It has been such a beautiful experience spending my days holding you, comforting you, feeding you, watching you play, talking to you, singing for you, and smiling with you. I will never forget how lucky I am to have you both and to be your Mommy.  I'm going back to work next month and it's going to be harder for me than you'll ever know.  I'm going to miss having so much time to just stare at you and learn all about your precious little personalities.  I hope you know how wonderful it has been for me. And how sorry I am that I can't do it forever.

I'm sure that you'll love daycare, but know that each and every moment that you're away from me, I'm thinking of you. I'm wishing I was with you, holding you, or just being near you. Thank you for changing my life in such an amazing and brilliant way.  You have made me a better person in just the five months that you've been here. 

I love you with every piece of me. 

WWW and 4 Month Photos!

Yes, my babies will be turning five months tomorrow, but we just got our four month photos back so I had to post them today! I'll be doing my five month post tomorrow, so I guess you'll get a nice little comparison :)

As for the Weekly Weigh-In...well, I suck at this.  Honestly, I think it's that I don't want the accountability...which is exactly why I need the accountability.  So no matter how badly I just want to quit the weekly weigh-in so I don't have to think about it (or fess up, mainly), I'm gonna keep on truckin.

Ugh. I had a PHENOMENAL time this week eating my life away and really enjoying some serious vino. It showed up, of course, on the scale...but I gotta say, I'm not all that mad. ;)


1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Starting Weight: 205# (since 2-3wks pp, 250# @ 35weeks with Twins,was approximately 200# at time of BFP, before the hyperemesis kicked in, was up to 250# by 35 weeks pregnant)
Last Week's Weight: 204.8# (two weeks ago)
Current Weight: 201.8#
Goal Weight: 180# (normal would be 144-189)

Starting BMI: 27 (I'm 6'1" by the way)
Last Week's BMI: 27.0 (two weeks ago)
Current BMI: 26.6
Goal BMI: 23.7 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals/progress:

- Drink 16oz of water every time I pump: I haven't been drinking enough water and therefore I'm snacking a whole lot more.  Whenever I think I'm hungry, I'm almost always truly just thirsty...

- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal: Haha, can you say "dessert"?  I'm REALLY looking forward to eating dairy again when I'm finished weaning off of pumping.  I'm down to three pumps per day most days, so I'm thinking probably another month before I'm down to no more pumps needed! As of late, I've been eating a ton of fruit and not much protein.

- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program: I've cut out exercising for the last week or so because the babies have been up almost every hour at night (one and then the other) so I don't want to push my body to exhaustion when I'm getting hardly any sleep at all. I really don't want to get sick!

- Limit to one "treat" per day!! : For the most part I'm doing this. I have some slip up days though where I stuff my face with chocolate and potato chips...


Activities for this coming week:

-If the babies start sleeping again, finish week 7 of C25k!

-Walk with the babies if not jogging -- I can do this no matter how tired I am, and it's good for the babies. We went out once last week.  I can do more.

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

GET OUTSIDE!!! Almost everywhere in the States is seeing pretty good weather right now, so go outside, it will get you some great Vitamin D, but it might also stir up a desire to do a little more activity.



And here are our luckies at 4 months old! (Photos by Babyshots Photography...LOVE!)

Infertile Mommy

What does being an infertile mommy mean to me?

1. I'm eating my words.  I spent the last ten years knowing that it would be difficult for me to have children.  I spent the last two years knowing that trying to get pregnant for me meant a lot of work, a lot of heart ache, and a lot of lack of romance.  I spent this time on complete defense from any mommy out there who had it "easy".  Any mommy who got knocked up the good ol' fashioned way, two months after deciding to try. I listened intently for any smidgen of ungratefulness, any tone of dissatisfaction with their role as a mother, their amazing gift.  I figuratively pounced on each of these oblivious, selft-centered mommies, they didn't know how good they had it!  I knew I would never, not for one second, forget how grateful and lucky I was if I ever became a mommy, however that happened. 

I'm eating my words. I'm an infertile mommy.

I do NOT forget how lucky I am.  I do, however, know exactly what any mom out there felt who complained about their kid, was irritated by their lack of sleep, was tired of the non-stop morning sickness or ridiculous back aches.  I know how lucky I am, but I also know how incredibly hard this is.  I know that you can never fully know how much your life will change when you become a mommy.  I know how blessed I am for being able to write that statement. And I know how tired I am for being able to write that statement. I'm an infertile mommy.

2. I know mommy guilt on so many levels.  I feel guilt for having to let one baby cry while I tend to the other.  I feel guilt for forgetting to put diaper rash cream on the baby prone to diaper rashes.  I feel guilt for my inevitable return to work in three weeks, leaving my babies with someone other than mommy.  But I also feel guilt for complaining about my hyperemesis.  I feel guilt for wanting to be done with my pregnancy at 34 weeks because I just couldn't handle the itching, the incessant itching, anymore. I feel guilt for looking back at those days when I could sit and watch tv on full volume for hours at a time without a care in the world...and missing them.  But mostly, I feel guilt for bringing my babies home. I feel guilty that I got the prize, and that I know others who haven't, who might not.  I feel guilt for only having one loss, for not spending four years trying to conceive, but rather bringing home our babies after only two rounds of IVF.  I feel guilt. I'm an infertile mommy.

3. I am so incredibly lucky that we had twins, not because "twins are cute", or because "twins are so much fun" (which a lot of the time, they are).  I'm lucky we had twins because I always hoped to have two children, and I don't have to wonder if we will be able to have a sibling for our only child.  I don't have to plan for our next FET, wonder if our blasts will thaw properly, wonder if they'll stick. I don't have to continue budgeting for fertility treatments and start trying earlier than I would really like to. I'm so incredibly lucky. I'm an infertile mommy.

4. I am five months post-partum, still pumping for my babies, but I'm trying to find the right birth control pills to suppress my endometriosis while not completely depleting my supply.  I am working with doctors to figure out what the best plan is to treat my thyroid problems while still feeding my babies.  I'm having to find babysitters so I can go get one more blood test done to figure out why my liver enzymes are still off.  I don't know if I'll ever truly be "healthy". And I fear every.single.day that I will pass these problems onto my beautiful children.  I worry every day that my sweet baby girl will face the same demons I've been battling for fifteen years. Will she be able to have her own beautiful children one day? I worry. I am an infertile mommy.

5. I wonder whether my children will ask why I have pictures of them before they were even inside of my tummy.  I wonder whether they will feel "different" or confused about their beginnings.  I wonder if my children will ask if they will have to do the same thing to have babies of their own.  I hope that they have the courage to ask, the spirit to feel special, and the wisdom to know how loved they are. I hope.  I am an infertile mommy.


I am an infertile mommy.  I'm like every other mommy out there; every mommy who looks at their children with absolute wonder, absolute admiration and mystifying gratefulness.  I'm like every other mommy out there who longs for their care free days, their late mornings, their spontaneous date nights. I'm like every other mommy who wonders what the hell I've done to my life, and then wonders how the hell I could have lived so long without them, all in one moment.  I'm like every other mommy, except I know infertility.  I know that kind of pain, in my own way, and in my own heart.  I know my kind of loss.  I know my story.  And I know my happy ending, thank God. 

And because I blog, I have seen true strength.  I know some of the most powerful women and men on the face of the planet.  Some of the most enduring, able, and grateful people I have ever met are writing about their journeys through infertility right along with me.  I know support, I know defeat, I know unimaginable heartache, and indescribable joy, all because I am a part of this ALI community.  I am an infertile.  And I am a mommy.  And I am so proud to be here with all of you, in the trenches, out of the trenches, and everywhere in between.  Thank you for letting me write, for letting me vent, for letting me scream and cry and gnash my teeth.  And for letting me smile through my words to you. You have inspired me all along my path. I hope I have inspired you and continue to do so. We are a family built on hope, courage, and support. Don't ever stop writing, wherever you are in your journey.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In 19 weeks PP

Ugh.  I had a PHENOMENAL time this week eating my life away and really enjoying some serious vino.  It showed up, of course, on the scale...but I gotta say, I'm not all that mad. ;)


1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Starting Weight: 205# (since 2-3wks pp, 250# @ 35weeks with Twins)
Last Week's Weight: 202.6# (was approximately 200# at time of BFP, before the hyperemesis kicked in, was up to 250# by 35 weeks pregnant)
Current Weight: 204.8#
Goal Weight: 180# (normal would be 144-189)

Starting BMI: 27 (I'm 6'1" by the way)
Last Week's BMI: 26.7
Current BMI: 27.0
Goal BMI: 23.7 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals/progress:


- Drink 16oz of water every time I pump: Eh, it's hit or miss on this one.  I need to focus focus focus.

- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal: Haha, can you say "dessert"?  Yeah, I went crazy on the desserts on Saturday night/Sunday afternoon...and then just kinda kept doing it. Didn't really eat a turkey slice or some eggs with each of those cookies...

- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program: I only did two days of running this past week instead of three.  I also had to stop and walk yesterday during Week 6 Day 2, which is 2x 10 min run with 3 min walk in between.  That second 10 min run got to me and I stopped after about 4 minutes, started again a minute later, and stopped again about 30 seconds later when I said "F you 10 minute run". I did this run outside for the first time in a while, which is much different than running on a treadmill. I think that put me over the edge.  And I'm wicked sleep deprived right now- Grace is waking up grunting and growling two or three times each night.  I think I rocked out 3 hours of sleep last night... SLEEP CHILD, SLEEP! ugh.

- Limit to one "treat" per day!! : Why is this such a damn hangup for me? I'm addicted to sweets.


Activities for this coming week:

-Couch to 5k finish week 6 and run two days of week 7!

-Walk with the babies if not jogging -- B and I decided we are taking the babies out for a walk this weekend NO MATTER WHAT.  It's so nice out right now, we need to take advantage.

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

Hmmm, oh- maybe a tip? I used to use http://www.sparkpeople.com/ to help me track my fitness and meals everyday. I didn't have the discipline to keep up with it, but it was really great while I was using it and it's FREE.  There are forums for questions, exercise and meal suggestions, a fun little competitive point program, and a place to create your own profile with pictures, goals, and stuff that inspires you.  If you're needing a little extra motivation or something to get you a bit more excited, this might be a great place to start.

Here are a few pics of the little luckies while I'm here...cuz I just can't help myself! :)

Wednesday Weekly Weigh-In 18wPP

Oh my goodness my babies are 18 weeks old already!?! (wiping away tear...)



1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:


Starting Weight: 205# (since 2-3wks pp)
Last Week's Weight: 203.6# (was approximately 200# at time of BFP, before the hyperemesis kicked in, was up to 250# by 35 weeks pregnant)
Current Weight: 202.6#
Goal Weight: 180# (normal would be 144-189)


Starting BMI: 27 (I'm 6'1" by the way)
Last Week's BMI: 26.9
Current BMI: 26.7
Goal BMI: 23.7 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)


2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals/progress:

- Drink 16oz of water every time I pump: Did much better about drinking this week.  I grab a bottle of water almost everytime I pump and plenty of times in between. Running is making me way thirstier, too, so I need to make sure to stay on top of it.

- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal: Ugh, not my best eating-habits week.  I had a few more carb-loaded snacks than I'd like to admit...and a few more chocolates as well :(  There's always next week...

- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program: I finished week 5 yesterday with a 20 MINUTE STRAIGHT RUN!!!  Oh man, it feels great to be into the "straight running" portion of the program.  There are still some intervals over the next couple of weeks, but I'm getting closer to my 30 minutes of straight running goal again.  From there, I'll start a slow-progression half marathon training program.  When I did the PF Cha.ng's Half Marathon a couple years ago, I made it with under 10 minute miles, without stopping. I'm running on my treadmill at a 5.2-5.5 speed, so I've got a little ways to go before I'm at my same pace...but baby steps.  :)  I'll get there again!

- Limit to one "treat" per day!! : No no no, awful.  I bought a bunch of tasty granola bars...that are basically candy...and I treat them like granola bars.  No good.


Activities for this coming week:

-Couch to 5k beginning Week 6!!!

-Walk with the babies if not jogging -- Still haven't taken the babies for a walk again. What am I doing??? It's gonna get wicked hot here soon, it's perfect weather right now. I need to take advantage!  How do I handle the nap schedule with this though??? They rarely nap in the stroller anymore. 

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.


Tip:  This happens to me everytime, and a lot of other beginning runners I know.  If you're just starting out running (or most forms of exercise really, ESPECIALLY swimming), you're probably not really burning that many additional calories. The C25k program feels like it's burning wicked calories if you're not used to running, but it sorta tricks you because it makes you WAY hungrier than normal.  This is a trap! Don't give in! You don't really need that many more calories of food to keep up with your new found exercise routine, even though your "hunger" is telling you otherwise.  Try to hold it off with a few nuts, some string cheese (if you're on dairy...whimper whimper) or a spoonful of PB with an apple. Once you get into it a little further and can run longer distances/times, that's when you'll need some extra calories to help fuel you.

Also (not weight related), I saw this blog post and it was just so lovely.  Thought I'd pass it along:

http://thegypsymama.com/2012/02/100-ways-to-encourage-a-new-mom/

For those new moms- what one thing do you wish someone would have done for you right after your little(s) was born...or what one thing did someone do for you that was SO incredibly helpful/caring/warm/lovely post-partum?

Feeding Twins

Erin asked a great question after my last post- how do I feed our littles at the same time?? 

This was a MAJOR source of anxiety for me before the littles arrived...and for the first month or so that they were here. 

I had help, too, for their first few weeks, so I didn't need to feed them alone or really take care of them alone at all during that time.  This was an awesome blessing, but it also made me seriously nervous about what I would do when I was eventually flying solo. I spent a lot of time asking my helpers what I would possibly do without them...and not in the "it's so great that you're here" way.  More of a "seriously, what am I going to do when you're gone? Answer me! Please God don't LEAVE!"

So I spent the last few days of having full-time help trying out some different methods of doing it all alone, but still having the help as a back up in case the sh*t hit the fan if you know what I mean (and sometimes literally...with two newborns, that stuff lands pretty much everywhere).

B took a shot at feeding them alone the first time.  They were small enough to both fit on one throw pillow (!?!?! seriously ?!?!).  So he put his feet on our ottoman, his knees bent up, the pillow resting on his thighs, and the babies resting on the pillow.  This was, in all honesty, a hot mess.  It worked maybe 1.5 times before epic fail ensued.

omg they were SO tiny!

Then, I tried the bouncy chairs.  We have a massive ottoman that's more like a giant comfy table low to the ground, so the babies pretty much spent their entire first month residing there.  We had the two bouncy chairs on the ottoman, and I would pull them close to the edge (and me) and lean forward from the couch with bottles in each hand feeding them.  I had to roll up burp clothes to put around their heads because they didn't have control so they'd flop over if they didn't have support.  And in the end, my back was majorly hurting from leaning over like that for several newborn feedings (they take WAY too long with our tiny, sleepy babies).

Finally, I wised up and busted out the boppy pillows.  If I would have tried the boppies when they were 5lbs, they would have been eaten alive by those things.  So it wasn't until they were around 8lbs when it started working better.  I still threw a blanket over the top of each so their butts wouldn't sink down too far in the center section.  Their heads rested at the top and their feet were usually up on my legs or just hanging out inside the boppy (on the blanket). I had each boppy next to me on the couch so I could lean back and relax.  It was (and still is) a bit tricky to maneuver when they turn their heads.  I constantly am glancing from left to right to look at them, but now it's sort of second nature (well, until recently when they've started getting bored eating and just want to look around all the time...ugh, that's a bit frustrating). 

Here was my view:

Grace on the left making her "Grace Face"

Caleb on the right doing his perpetual smile :)

Here's what they looked like on the boppies around 6weeks old- you have to make sure you're right there if you put them on the couch, they can roll right out of these things...or squirm down so they can get trapped underneath.

I've heard of other women who sit on the floor up against the couch with the two boppies or bouncy chairs in front of them and their knees up or their legs spread around them.  We have a tile floor and I just wasn't feeling the whole getting up and down off the floor more than I already needed to.

So here are a few things to consider:

1. Possibly buy the newborn boppy loungers, those look pretty sweet (but you wouldn't use them for long, so might not be worth the money). http://shopboppy.com/shop/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1_37

2. If your twins can handle it when they get a little bigger, would you be willing to bottle prop?  I know a lot of MoMs who do it...but our babies have always had a ton of feeding problems (choking, spitting up, reflux) so it has never really been an option.  There are plenty of props you can look into if that's something you're thinking about. That way you can continue feeding one while the other is burping.  You must ALWAYS be watching when you're using a bottle prop, especially for little ones, though.

3. I've heard of MoMs using the FP Rock n Plays for tandem bottle feeding.  We never bought these, I heard they can contribute to some serious flat head problems...but I'm sure if used sparingly it's not an issue...we just didn't go there.

4. You will learn your babies' burping needs, but this is one of the harder parts of tandem feeding.  My babies will need to burp "LIKE RIGHT NOW, MOM", so I have to stop feeding real quick so I can burp them in the middle when that happens to one of them. Sometimes, they won't have the need so I'll just stop when they start to slow down on the sucking (when they were little) and do a quick burp on each then pick it back up again (now I can wait until they are done for the most part to burp them). 

5. Put a burp cloth under their heads on the boppy pillow, or you'll have a lot more blanket/boppy cover laundry to do than you'd like. Oh, and please use bibs if you have spitters!  I don't know why we didn't for the longest time.  We were trying to keep burp cloths around Grace's chest and chin...it was a mess.

So, try the floor sitting bouncy/boppy thing if you're ok with the floor.  It prevents the having to look from left to right and not having them both in your line of sight issue.  But otherwise, I love that I can sit on my couch and feed them both. Once the bottles are in their mouths, it's not too bad.  You'll feel their heads moving and you can kind of follow them with your hand/bottle. 

Please let me know what other questions you have.  I seriously wish I would have asked more questions before hand/early on. I was an axious mess!!!  I'm here for you, ladies. I may not know all the answers, but I'll let you know my experiences thus far!

The Ladies!!!

Oh, it's the inevitable post-partum BOOB post!


I've been wanting to write about my breastfeeding experience for a while, but it's just recently that I've been quite a bit more obessed/stressed about it and needed to get it out.

I exclusively pump. The twins got formula and collostrum for the first two days of their lives, but haven't had anything other than breastmilk since my milk came in on day 2. I feel so incredibly lucky that a) my milk came in that early, b) I ended up with an oversupply and could therefore keep up with two babies, one of whom went through two months of eating nearly 45oz every day, and c) I got a HANDS FREE PUMP!

Here's the story. Day 1, about five minutes after they rolled me into the recovery room I was in a wicked haze and shaking uncontrollably (c-section will do that to you) when a nurse came over and said they were about to give our babies some formula, "Would you like to feed them?" I was like, yeah, on the boob. They said no. No? No. Ok, I'm confused. I've read that I need to try and nurse asap...so can you let me have my babies? No. Um, ok. Let me go at this from a different angle...

Basically, I don't remember much of it, but I know that I tried to struggle for about two minutes and then they explained that if I want the babies to be sent to the NICU then sure, I could try to feed them. Otherwise, they need formula cuz their blood sugar was too low.

I think that's what happened. Like I said, I was in a haze. But I honestly don't care. I did for a few minutes right then, but I got over it pretty quick when I remembered that goal = healthy babies. Besides, I was seriously shaking and it would have been a HOT MESS trying to nurse them for the first time right then.

Fast forward to one quick trip to the NICU anyway for some testing and then we were all in our room. With twin births, they have LCs come by every day and just hang out for as long as you need them. It was really great to have the expertise, cuz it wasn't so easy. They had already started on the bottle, but I wanted to try.

So for the next two days I nursed one for ten minutes on each side, then gave them a bottle of formula/whatever I could pump, then nursed the other for ten minutes on each side then supplemented with bottle...and then pumped (tricked my body into thinking I had triplets basically)...then washed and dried pump parts. This took about two hours and the babies were eating every three. Starting on day three I stopped all of the formula because I was pumping enough for them, but still had to do a bottle of pumped milk after every attempt at nursing, cuz they weren't latching well. By day four, I was in full blown tears almost everytime I tried to get them to latch.

The babies were about 5lbs each by this point, had "late pre-term" sucking/latching problems, and fell asleep after about 30 seconds on the boob every.single.time. I can't tell you all of the different tricks we were trying to keep them awake, it was intense and took a LOT of time, especially with two. I finally decided that I was going to focus on pumping for them and I would try to get them to latch a couple times a day for practice, but I'd revisit when they got older/more mature. The LCs were in full agreement and recommended trying again later.

Eventually, Grace gave up. I went to see LCs, we tried and tried. She had enough and it was incredibly apparent by about three weeks PP that she was done nursing. She knew the bottle and liked it better. Caleb started getting better at latching and ended up nursing pretty well...but little man started into a two month growth spurt of EPIC proportions (he went from 5lbs on day 4 to 12lbs by 8 weeks). He would nurse for twenty minutes and then still need a 5oz bottle, which would take another 20-30 minutes to get down. So, with the prospect of feeding two babies and still making time to pump after every feed, it just wasn't in the cards for us.

I still nursed Caleb once a day for about 6 weeks or so which helped my supply (and any clogged ducts that came up), and gradually just gave up on it. I continued to pump 8x per day for about 9 weeks and by that time I was getting about 70oz per day. Serious oversupply, but it worked out.

I built up a pretty good freezer stash, even with my ginormo baby, and didn't need to dip into it at all until about a week and a half ago. After getting sick, I had to start pumping 7-8 times per day again (I dropped to about 6 around 11 weeks) and it was getting to be too much. I also started trying to get in shape again and eating less, which had an impact as well. The babies started sleeping longer stretches and I stopped waking up to pump without them. I had gone a long time without a stretch of sleep longer than two hours so that I could pump every feed (even if B took that feeding). I was tired and done.

Exclusively pumping is SO hard, but for us, it was incredibly worth it. Just the fact that I had the oversupply, I had to go ahead and use it. It's been a tough addition to my busy day of taking care of two babies, but after all of the difficulties I've had with my body over the years, including the pregnancy, I was so surprised that I actually had the supply that I needed.

So right now my supply is slowly dropping, and I'm not working too hard to get it back. I was for a few days, living in denial that we'd need to move to formula at this point (I had originally wanted to try for 3 months, but when I made it that far I decided to try for 6). I'm ok with them having formula, and I'll still be able to give them some breastmilk every day, but it's the cost that I'm bummed about really. It was pretty awesome to avoid any cost for feeding them, especially because we had such hefty eaters.

Here's the worst part. I could probably survive for quite some time on pumping what I've got left and using my freezer stash, but we found out about 3 weeks ago that dairy-free REALLY helps with Grace's spitting up/reflux and Caleb's fussiness. I had tried to go dairy free a while back, but did it sorta half-assed and not for long enough to see any effects, so I gave up. I tried it again for real a few weeks ago and it seemed to make a big difference. I wasn't fully convinced though until a) I gave them some milk from the freezer, from when I was eating dairy, and the spitting-up/fussiness returned and b) I went off the dairy free diet for a couple days and again, the spitting-up/fussiness came back. Crazy! I didn't want to believe it cuz, honestly, I like eating yogurt and ice cream from time to time...but it seriously makes a huge difference!

So now I'm a little torn. Do I waste all of that freezer stash? The pediatrician said it's a serious hassle to try and donate it because of all of the testing and red tape to go through for screenings. I don't really have a ton of time on my hands so that might be a bit difficult to take on right now. Or do I just give them a little bit at a time and hope that it doesn't affect them too much? I don't have enough supply now that I'm dairy free to keep up with them completely let alone freeze any.

We'll see what happens. In the meantime, I'm looking into the right formula to choose. What are your recommendations?

Also, our pediatrician said no solids at all until after 6 months.

Here are a few things I've learned about Exclusively Pumping (for twins) that might help those who have to go down that road (this is just my experience, it may be different for others!):

1. In the beginning, getting the babies to latch at all is a big win for your supply as well as the prospect of having them latch later on. Keep trying every now and then if you have help- just let someone else feed one baby a bottle while you try and nurse the other, then pass off that baby for a bottle while you pump. Saves time.

2. Don't try to get them to latch when you're alone if you're already having trouble. It will just cause meltdowns for mom and babies. Save the latching practice for when there is another set of hands to help out!

3. BUY A HANDS FREE PUMP! Oh my gosh, I started out using the hospital grade pump they supplied. I'm sure it was good for my supply, but oy having to hold it on there when pumping 8 times per day is just plain cruel. I bought the Med.ela Fre.estyle. Glorious. Worth the money, I promise (if you're EPing).

4. Drink a ton of water (goes for pumping and nursing).

5. Eat as much as you possibly can. Even if it's not the healthiest food, you need to get calories!

6. DO NOT WATCH THE BOTTLES as you pump. It will only stress you out. Seriously. Just pick up your phone, iPad, baby, remote...anything to keep your mind off of the amount that you're pumping. Stressing over your supply backfires, I guarantee it. And eat/drink while you're pumping, it makes the time go faster.

7. Some women have luck with looking at a picture of their babies or envisioning them latching to help with let-down. I find it always better to just think about something else. Get distracted. All of a sudden twenty minutes will have lapsed and you'll have a good amount pumped. Whatever you do, RELAX. You can't let-down if you're stressed or nervous/worried/busy! (one of the downfalls of the hands free pump is you can do things like clean up or wash bottles, just make sure you're not doing anything that will tense you up, you have to relax)

8. Read kellymom.com for tips on getting your supply up if you're worried. Things like fenugeek and mother's milk tea can help. I didn't have to go down this route, but I've heard great success.

9. Keep up the night time pumps until at least 8 or 9 weeks. I know, it's rough. But your supply will definitely take a hit if you quit those too soon. I've heard you need 12 weeks to really set your supply. I went a little less than that and it was fine. But not too much less.

10. Pump every time the babies eat. Yes. Every time. For at least 12 weeks if possible. Or until you're ok with a little dip in your supply...or you just can't anymore. This happened for me around 12 weeks, so I let it happen.  I started spreading the pumps out to about every four hours and my babies are eating every 3 hours.  I usually pump one less time than they eat.  This worked out fine and I still had the same supply for about 3 or 4 weeks after decreasing. Then I got sick and skipped a few more pumps and started eating less...well, you get the picture.

11. Wait until the babies are napping to pump if at all possible. This will make it hard for you to nap when your babies nap, but it's the only way to really get a good pump. Put the babies down and then wait until they're really asleep to get the machine going. Otherwise you'll be up and down trying to soothe them or you'll have to stop pumping so you can get them out of the crib, etc.

12. Even with a hands free pump, don't bend over while pumping! Easiest way to lose some of your milk on the floor :( haha

13. Always mark on your freezer bags how much you put in the bag and the date (there should be an appropriate place to mark, don't use pen that will smudge when wet!!!).

14. If you get a clogged duct, try pumping while leaning forward a bit. Try to turn up the pump a level higher than usual. Try to release the suction in the horn for a second and put it back on angled a little bit differently (usually try to angle the pump horn in the direction of the clog).

15. If you can get your baby to latch, it's the easiest way to clear a clogged duct! Caleb saved me from many painful nights! He would latch for just a few minutes and then have to pull off because he unclogged the duct and it was spraying too hard and choking him. Poor little man!

16. Do not try and wash your pump parts after every feed. Good lord I did this for like three weeks and it was just awful. Luckily a bloggy friend mentioned that it was ok to store them in the fridge for a day at a time! This saved my life. Just put them in a ziploc bag after you use them and put them in the fridge for the next time. But make sure to warm them up a bit before throwing them on your boobs! YIKES, good morning!

17. Buy more than one set of pump parts so you can throw the dirty ones in the sink and just pull out the others for the next pump. Then you don't have to be worried about washing them before your next session, etc.

18. Bottles, oh good lord bottles. Make sure you have enough pumping bottles so you don't have to wash those too often, either. I never used the same bottles to pump and to feed, although that's an option. It just didn't work for us and my oversupply. I pumped into medel.a bottles and stored in the fridge in those (or in the freezer in bags) and then poured into bottles as we went.

19. Please buy enough feeding bottles so you don't have to wash bottles more than once per day. Ugh, learned that one a little late, too!

20. Snuggle your babies. I wish I could have nursed my babies, but it wasn't in the cards for us. I mourned the loss of that bonding time for a bit, but really, I get to snuggle my babies chest to chest, on my knees, kiss their face and tummies, and look at their gummy grins! Plenty of bonding time without nursing, so don't fret. If pumping gets in the way of this bonding time too much, just remember that formula is not the enemy! Enjoy your babies, they are only little for a short time! (Believe me, my tiny 5lb Caleb is now an 18lb 4 month old!!!)

Good luck and please don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions!

Four Months!!! (and the wednesday weekly weigh in!)

Big post today...first, the Weigh In and then my babies are four months old (and there's plenty to write about, all kinds of growing and changing going on- what a fun age)!

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Starting Weight: 205# (since 2-3wks pp)

Last Week's Weight: 205.8# (was approximately 200# at time of BFP, before the hyperemesis kicked in, was up to 250# by 35 weeks pregnant)
Current Weight: 203.6# (yay!)
Goal Weight: 180# (normal would be 144-189)


Starting BMI: 27 (I'm 6'1" by the way)
Last Week's BMI: 27.1
Current BMI: 26.9 (yay for breaking under 27!)
Goal BMI: 23.7 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)


2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals/progress:

- Drink 16oz of water every time I pump: I did NOT do a good job with my water this week and I saw it in my milk supply :(  That or it's just on it's way out (and the fact that I'm not eating as much isn't helping either).  I'm kind of sad, but it needed to happen at some point and I'm proud of making it to 4 months at least...I'll probably get another month or so of mostly breastmilk, but I'll need to start supplementing at some point, which I really have no problem with other than the fact that it's gonna cost us a grip.  I have a huge stash that I think we might not be able to use, which is CRUSHING...I'm still coming to terms and thinking of other alternatives.  If we can't, I'm considering donating it. Anyway, that's a whole other post (hopefully in a few days...I have PLENTY to talk about with the whole BF thing...especially because I ended up exclusively pumping for twins...after a rocky start, but I'm proud of that because I wasn't sure it'd work out).

- Eat some form of protein four times per day, working up to eating protein with every snack and meal: I did a lot better at this and I'm very proud of that. It's not easy to think about trying to find some protein, especially since I cut out all dairy (brutal).  I also made sure to stop buying junk food so that it's not in the house (except for one treat, see below) and that helps me as well.

- Walk 1 mile 3x per week, working up to jogging 2-3x per week using the Couch-to-5k program: I finished week 4 today (5 min runs, yeah!) on our BRAND NEW TREADMILL!  I'm really happy that I've been able to keep up with the running, but I'm terrified of what will happen when I go back to work in about a month.  At least I'm doing it now.  The treadmill is awesome, especially because it get up well above 100 degrees here in the summer and I'm sure I won't be able to fit running in around the weather, so this gives me plenty more options!

- Limit to one "treat" per day!! : I decided that eating a butterfinger everyday isn't a good idea.  So I asked B to get me a bag of hershey's kisses instead and I tackle that when I need some chocolate rather than whole candy bar.  Much better.


Activities for this coming week:
-Couch to 5k beginning Week 5

-Walk with the babies if not jogging -- I really need to get back to taking the babies out. I've been keeping them indoors too much...I'm just scared of messing up their routine now that we've finally started working one out.  Ugh.  Not to mention the last time I went for a walk with them was an epic fail.


3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

I've been using the C25K podcast for my runs because I hate having to watch a clock while I'm running.  They are fabulous (minus some questionable music choices especially around the 4 week mark) but I was missing some of my music. So today was great on my treadmill because I could easily see how much time had lapsed since I started my interval and I could listen to my own selection!

What do you do to pass the time while you're running on a treadmill?



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OK- now on to the fun stuff! THE BABIES ARE FOUR MONTHS OLD! Holy cow, really?

My dear sweet, sweet Grace and Caleb,

You two are four months old and the time has slipped by me all too fast.  I look at you and see you discovering, learning, becoming your own little personalities and it fills me with pride and excitement, but at the same time tears at my heart.  I love this phase of your development, but I've loved every phase before and I miss those, too.  You're growing up, and you won't be my tiny babies for long.  I want to hold onto every snuggle and every gaze.  I know I won't have those forever.  I love you both so incredibly much, it hurts. Thank you for blessing me everyday.

Gracie, my princess!

You are 100% sweetness right now.  You're such an easy-going baby and I can't help but fall more and more in love with you every day. I didn't think that was possible with how very much I loved you the first time I saw you.  I can't get enough of you!

Your smile lights up the room, and especially your Mommy and Daddy's hearts.  You've learned to giggle and you're getting pretty good at it, but mostly for Daddy. I work all day to make you laugh but as soon as he comes in and swoops you up, you can't hold it in! You are such a Daddy's girl.  You will stare at him endlessly and give him the biggest smiles. You still don't mind lying in his arms, even though you're getting antsy most of the time to be moving and shaking!  You love it when he bats at your hands and tickles your tummy.  But your biggest smiles come when he catches you off guard by flashing a huge smile at you. You love it!

You're growing too, my love.  You're about 13lbs now, and finally fitting pretty well into your 0-3 month clothes.  The newborn stuff is pretty much shelved, which is sad but ok.  I love to dress you up in your cute outfits!  You tried on your first pair of jeans this month and while they were still way too big, they were adorable of course. Mostly I keep you in comfy sleepers but sometimes a onesie or an outfit.

You've been going through a growth spurt for a while...so I'm starting to think this is your new norm.  You're eating a lot more than you used to which is great! You now take about 5oz of exclusively breastmilk at every feed, except for an occasional 4 or 6 oz bottle. You wake up hungry around 5am most of the time, and then sleep again until 10am.  Then we have bottles around 1, 4, and your bedtime bottle is at 7.  You, amazingly, figured out this whole bedtime thing and go down in your crib without a fight or a protest now right after that bottle.  You take a binky with you because you are absolutely obsessed with it! But you rarely cry at night for it, just during the day in your naps. We get you out of bed for a quick dreamfeed at 10 or 11pm and you usually sleep right through it!

You are starting to like bathtime more, now, since we realized you needed a binky right after you get out of the water.  You really love being in the big tub with one of us so you can splash around. I cannot WAIT to get you in a swimming pool!  You were having a really hard time afterward for a while, but that's all better now and you'll even let me lather you up with a lotion massage after you get out of the water.  Your poor skin is extremely dry and you have an eczema rash all over your tummy and arms, but you don't seem too bothered by it which is good! 

Your favorite place to hang out is probably the bumbo chair,  you just love sitting up! You really love for daddy and I to help you stand, you're so good at it and can hold up most of your weight if we help you! You still have a bit of a bobble head but not much.  Your favorite toy is probably this colorful rattle with lots of places to hang on.  You've started grabbing at things this month and pulling them to your mouth. It's so cute!

I started putting more bows on you this month cuz it's so cute. You don't mind them either, I think you know how lovely you look.  Your hair is still pretty thin and you've got a big bald spot on the back of your head from turning it in your crib all the time.  I wonder what your hair will look like!  You've got beautiful deep blue eyes that I could stare at all day, they're so big and wide! You're long and skinny and you still have kind of a smaller head, but it's proportionate and SO cute.

I can't believe how truly calm you are. You really never cry unless you're hungry or just really, really tired.  I remember when you were first born and you fussed all the time, we thought you were going to be a crier.  But you outgrew that along with your tummy problems and any sort of reflux! It's so great to know that you feel better now, and you're not spitting up all the time anymore.  You just needed time to get that tummy mature.

I never want to forget how wide your eyes get when I'm feeding you or talking to you or how happy you are to lay in your bouncy chair with your arms behind your head, sucking on your binky, and just staring at me washing bottles or making dinner. I love that you want to just take it in and watch us.  You're so curious and content!

Grace, I absolutely adore you. I can't even tell you how much you complete my world.  You have stolen my heart forever and I never want it back.  I'm the luckiest girl alive.


My sweet, happy Caleb!

My little boy.  Buddy, I can't tell you enough how unbelievably happy you make me. You're a mama's boy, just like your sister's a Daddy's girl.  You stare at me and wait for a smile all day, and I can't stop smiling at you, love!  As soon as you see my grin,  you flash one back twice as big and it melts my heart in an instant.  You're such a happy baby, smiling all the time with that huge gummy grin.  I find you just smiling at the wall or the window sometimes, I so wonder what you're thinking about.  But you save the biggest ones for me and Daddy.  And you gave us your very FIRST laugh just a couple of days ago; it was thrilling! All of the laughs you'll ever have, and that was your first one.  You were lying on the ottoman after I had held you up above my head for a while (you love that) and I tickled your neck and it just came out.  Short and sweet, and totally perfect!

You are starting to work out your colic and I can't wait for it to be gone forever- I hated when you cried for hours.  It broke my heart into a million pieces every time, and I couldn't help but cry along with you sometimes.  But this month you've started to outgrow it and we're gradually moving away from the night time sadness that once was! 

We're still learning your routine, especially at night, but for the most part you wake up hungry anywhere from 4:30-6:30am and then have another bottle around 10am.  Then bottles at 1, 4, and 7 and sometimes you'll let us put you down in your crib for the night at that point, but rarely. Usually you hang out in the living room with us as we replace your binky and try to avoid any meltdowns.  Like I said, you're starting to fall asleep during this time more often now instead of being up all the way until 10pm.  You usually need the dream feed at 10 or 11 to help you really fall asleep, but not always (you usually sleep all the way from 10 or 11 until about 5am, but recently you've been waking up to "yell" at me to replace your binky much earlier, like 3am). You're still eating a good amount and all breastmilk, but a lot less than before- you've started cutting back a bit from your continuous two month growth spurt!  Now you eat around 30oz every day, which is a big difference from the 45oz of the month before. I'm glad you're slowing down a bit.  You're about 18lbs of pure chub and it's just so delicious.

You've been outgrowing your clothes so quickly it's hard to keep up! You're now wearing 6 month clothes but sometimes even 9 months fit you better.  I try to change your outfits a lot so you get to wear all of the cute things I have for you, but sometimes I don't even get a chance you're growing so fast.  But I love that you're a big, strong, and healthy little man.
You had a pretty bad eye infection last month again that caused you some trouble and fussiness.  But it's doing better now and hopefully gone for good.  We had to go to an opthamologist and if your clogged tear duct isn't better by the time you are 6 months, they'll need to do surgery. I'm hoping this was the end of it and there won't be any need for that!!

Your favorite place to hang out is probably your jumperoo or your swing.  You just started getting the hang of batting at the toys on your jumperoo and you LOVE it.  Your swing is your best friend when you're fussy, though. 

Your favorite toy is probably the blue elephant on your playmat now that you can sort of grab it!



You are starting to splash around in the bath now instead of just relaxing in it, which makes me supremely happy. I think you're going to be so much fun in the pool! You love the lotion massage afterward, as well. As long as mommy and daddy are smiling at you, you're perfectly content.

I never want to forget those moments when you're staring at me as I feed you a bottle and you can't focus on eating because your smile gets in the way! I love that you want to smile at me that much, it's so adorable watching you smile around the bottle nipple. Don't stop doing that, ok? It makes my day!

Baby boy, you're such a happy dude and I love every single minute of being your mommy, even the tough times when you can't stop crying.  I love that I can usually help you to calm down and you like being in my arms more than anywhere else.  You're such a lover and I'm so lucky that I get to love on you all day every day.  You make my world go around and I look forward to every minute I get to stare at you, hold you, and watch you grow.  I love you so much, little man!

Babies, my little luckies.  These past four months have gone too fast.  You're both growing at warp speed it seems and you're learning new things all the time.  You've both found your hands and love to suck on them...even when they make you gag when you try to fit both in your mouth.  You've also found eachother and I catch you staring at one another from time to time.  I can't wait for the day that you laugh together and play together.  I hope that you're the best of friends!  I will cherish every giggle, every squeal, and even every tantrum.  I am so blessed to have you in my life, I love you more than you will ever know.