Saturday, September 25, 2010

B and I

B and I went out to dinner last night at Ruth's Chris...sooo good! It's restaurant week so we decided to take advantage of it.  And I was craving some wine, so what goes better with wine than an extremely overpriced steak???

We were sitting in the middle of the restaurant and I saw a group next to us fawning over this adorable baby. He was so cute, and one of the friends of the parents walked up to try and hold the baby and he turned away and swatted at her.  She laughed it off and tried again and he started crying.  This is my nightmare.  I have this awful fear, which I've written about before, of making another person's baby cry.  It's the reason I don't ask to hold babies or try to play with them.  Deep down I'm always dying to hold them, but good lord when I make them cry it's like the world is ending. I hate it. I really felt for that woman in that moment.

And then out of nowhere I had this feeling.  See, B and I are going to Vegas- this time for real.  We booked the hotel (which we had done last time) and we're super excited.  We're going on our 1 year anniversary and I can't wait.  And in that moment, I felt for the first time that maybe we shouldn't have kids.  ... 

Never in my life have I really contemplated the idea of not having children.  When I was younger it was a given.  I'd have dozens of them.  Then I got older and it was something I just knew I wanted, no matter what.  Maybe a few, maybe a couple, but definitely more than one.  And then the endo diagnosis and the doctors and the surgeries.  Then the other diagnoses and the complications.  And then it was like I knew I'd have to work at this but I would. I'd do whatever it took.  Then I met B and he felt the same way, and he was completely understanding of the situation, he was right beside me, ready to do what we needed to do. 

Last night for the first time I actually thought that maybe we'd be ok just the two of us.  It only lasted a few seconds. I thought about the trips we'd take, the money we'd have, the things we'd do...the flexibility.   It looked pretty nice.  I felt a little wrong, a little guilty.  Selfish.

I decided to tell B.  He seemed kinda shocked but kinda not.  He agreed to a point, talked about all of the trips we'd take, the money we'd save, the things we'd do.  But then he told me that he thought we would have amazing children.  And we'd be amazing parents.  We would raise kids to understand how much potential they have, how good they could be, and how to reach that potential.  He was excited about the idea of that.  And then he told me that he can't stop thinking about the time he was playing with my nephew out back at my brother and sister-in-law's house. He was trying to teach him how to play t-ball...and the kid was like a year old.  He can't stop thinking about that, and he wanted that. 

It really brought me back down to earth, because I want that too.  I want to see my B out back playing with our kids.  I want to teach them how to play, how to love, how to push through the hard times.  I want to hold them...and know that they're mine, ours.  I think we would be happy just the two of us.  But I know that we were meant to be parents, and we will be.  Somehow.  One day.

So I saw this survey on another blog and thought I definitely needed to let you all into our little world- just the two of us.  So here are a few tid-bits...

1. When is your “engagement” anniversary:

April 17, 2009

2. When is your “marriage” anniversary:

October 17, 2009

3. How long have you known your spouse:

2 and a half years (I can't believe it's only be that a good way. I feel like I've known him my whole life...)

4. How long did you date/court before you were engaged:

About a year

5. Where did you meet your spouse for the first time?

Happy Hour! At a bar/restaurant right by our office

6. What is your spouse’s full name:

B :)

7. Do you have any children:

Not yet

8. How many – boys/girls:

...not yet

9. Do you have any house pets:

Yep- our hilarious grey cat

10. Do you own a house or rent:

Own ... bought it just before we got married

11. Do you live in the country or town/city:

city, the suburbs

12. What is one of your favorite activities together:

Hmm...probably exercising of some sort.  Hiking, throwing the frisbee, running... or of course there's the laying out, watching movies, eating, drinking delicious vino

13. Do you have a favorite vacation spot:

San Diego or Vegas... or Mexico~!

14. When did you first kiss?

Happy Hour! haha

15. What church do you attend?

We go to my church that I grew up in from time to time.

16. Is this the church you were married in:

Define church.  We were married outside at a resort.  But my pastor married us.  And pretty much my whole church family was there.

17. What town is your current address at:

P Town

18. Do you work or stay at home:

Work...a lot

19. Where did you go on your honeymoon:

Cancun for a week and then Disneyworld!!! (He proposed at Disneyland) :)

20. What was the funniest gift you gave when dating?

I got him a pullup bar!

21. How long have you been together?

About two and a half years

22. How long did you know each other before you started dating?

Well, our first kiss was on the night that we met. 

23. Who asked who out?

He asked for my phone number and then texted me to say that I was gorgeous and we have a lot in common so we should go out sometime.  I don't believe in text dating, so I called him and made him ask for real... :)

24. How old are each of you?

He is 28 and I'm 27

25. Where do each of you go to school?

We're both done for now.  I went to Stanford and he went to the University of Evansville in Indiana.

26. Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

Hmm.  Hormones? Can I say that?

27. Did you go to the same school?


28. Are you from the same home town?

Nope. We had very different childhoods. He's from a tiny town and I'm from the big city...suburb style.  Our families were very different.

29. Who is smarter?

Haha, we're both pretty smart.  I think he'd say he's got more common sense though. ;)

30. Who is more sensitive?

Oh man, I really want to say him but c'mon.

31. Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Sweet Tomatoes! LOL- he hates that. 

32. Where is the farthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Florida, I guess

33. Who has the craziest exes?

I don't know, probably me.

34. Who has the worse temper?

We have very different tempers. We both have our own snappy sides though.

35. Who does the cooking?

Both of us.  But he's better at it I think.

36. Who is more social?

Definitely me.

37. Who is the neat-freak?

Definitely him.

38. Who is more stubborn?

He would say me and I would say him, does that tell you anything?

39. Who hogs the bed?

Refer to question 38

40. Who wakes up earlier?

Me by a long shot, but he's starting to wake up earlier

41. Where was your first date?

A Mexican food restaurant by our office.  It's gone now :(  But don't worry, the place we met and had our first kiss is still right across the street.

42. Who had more boyfriends/girlfriends?

I think we were pretty equal as far as serious relationships go.  He was a little player though... hehe, sorry B. Love you!

43. Do you get flowers often?

Sometimes! :)

44. How do you spend the holidays?

Oy sticky subject.  We split up the first year. Then last year we did a pre-Christmas in Indiana and then Christmas with my family.  This year we are bringing his family out here for Thanksgiving and then we'll do Christmas out here with my family.

45. Who is more jealous?

Oh me for sure. I hate that.

46. How long did it take to get serious?

It was pretty quick as you can see! :) We started talking about marriage within about 3 months.  But in the first few weeks he actually told me he didn't really ever want to get married.  I guess I changed his mind ;)

47. Who eats more?

Well, he does if we're counting calories.  But that's just because he eats these horrific 1000 calorie breakfast "shakes" every morning to up his calories.  He's a big beefy man and likes to eat raw eggs.  Are you getting a picture of my B yet? Is Rocky coming to mind?  Yes, exactly.

48. Who does the laundry

We both do our own laundry, he just does his more often!

49. Who’s better with the computer?

I don't know, I guess him. But we're both pretty savvy.

50. Leave a piece of advice for the other couples.

Learn to love eachother the way the other person needs to be loved, not the way YOU need to be loved.  We all speak our own love languages. You just have to learn to speak your spouse's language!


  1. I think that this sudden thought or feeling of what it would be like to not have children is a natural one when you're facing uncertainty about your future... I say that because Tim and I had the exact same discussion last year somewhere between my first pseudo-menopause and my lap and then we came back to it over and over again as I went into my second pseudo-menopause, was diagnosed with depression and ended up giving up work. When it felt like having children just might not happen for us, we had to have a "back-up plan", to *know* that we would be ok. It broke our hearts, but it made sense...

    Of course, that isn't stopping us planning on trying and again it will break our hearts if we hit difficulties and have to return to that conversation and reconsider that "just the two of us" idea. I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though our situations are entirely different, I "get" that intense feeling you described of suddenly glimpsing a future different to the one you had always expected and dreamed of. And I'm sorry you had to even get to the point where such a thought occurred xx

  2. Thanks for letting us learn a little bit about you two. Sounds like you two are really lucky to have found each other.