Saturday, September 18, 2010

Don't You Worry About Me

So I like country music.  Yeah, that's right B. I said it. I enjoy country music no matter how much my hubby hates it.  It makes me feel like I could go frolic in a field somewhere and everything else will just melt away because it's me and my field, and my down-home melody...

I was raised on Sting and The Police.  So I love that.  Then I, for some reason, started listening to hip hop and thought I was a little thug princess at the age of 10.  I ended up actually listening to rap here and there, and enjoying it. Then my Junior or Senior year of high school I met a boy who liked country.  He made me listen to Tim McGraw's "My Best Friend" and it was like my world had changed forever (I mean, I was 16...pretty much anything that happened was like my world was changed forever...).  Then of course I found Tim's "Something Like That" and I was hooked.  It didn't hurt that this boy was kind of cute and a couple years older than me, I'll admit that.  Sorry B, but this IS my journal. ;)  That boy faded away, but Tim McGraw lasted.  And he introduced me to some of his friends (hello George, Kenny, Johnny, Keith...). I ended up going to a bunch of country concerts throughout my college years.  And I still love it.  The fact that B cringes anytime it comes on the radio makes me drive alone a little more than I'd prefer, but I have to get my country fix sometime!

So when I heard Carrie Underwood's "Mama's Song" for the first time this week, I was blown away.  I hated it.  I kept listening to it because I was like, this song is hurting my ears. I have to know why.

Then about three hours later I was singing it.

Now I find myself searching all over the internets to hear it again, and again and again.  And the lyrics are beautiful, and I heart the melody. 

And I thought about my mama. Everything she's been through just because she's devoted to being there for me. Her daughter.  She's one of my best friends. I talk to her pretty much everyday and hang on her words like they're going to be that final piece to the puzzle that will fix everything.  I can't stand when she puts me in my place, especially when I really need it.  And I love how she tries to stay strong and keep her voice from shaking sometimes and then breaks down and cries with me others.  My mama is one of those moms who make you realize that having children is the most amazing thing that could ever happen.  I heard somewhere that having kids is like allowing your heart to walk around outside of your body...and my Mom reminds me of that everyday.  Her love reminds me that I'm her heart, and she's watching it navigate this world, hoping and praying that it doesn't shatter to pieces.  I'm so much a part of her, and I always will be. 

So mama, I know it's been a rough few months.  I know you had to let me fly just to watch me nearly drown...but don't you worry about me.  You gave me everything I need to make it through this, and anything else that falls in our path.  You taught me about love and how much that can mean.  And I found my B to hold me up, just like you always prayed...



  1. I absolutely love that song, too. Now you need to go find "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride. (ya, know. Since we are talking about songs that make every woman cry... of course in a good way)

  2. Ok. I thought we were going to stop crying for awhile.

    You are my heart and I love watching you navigate this world. You have brought me so much joy. I know you are wise and I know you will make it through all of this. I am trying hard not to worry.

    I hate watching you in pain, any kind of pain, but this pain is especially hard. I know how much you want that little one to hold. It is a good dream, a holy dream. One worth waiting for.

    I have prayed for you more than you know, from the time I knew you were I have prayed for you. And I have seen answers to those prayers.
    I will continue to pray, and to wait, and to try not to worry.
    I love you.

  3. Such sweet words. Sometimes I forget that the rough road to becoming a mom can also be hard on our own moms. :)

  4. Music is so powerful and can be a healing force. It truly can...