Swoon!

I mean, just...swoon!

Caleb huge-grinning at Daddy's "Clappy Clap Clap" song!

Grace sorta-smiling at Mommy's version of the "Clappy clap clap" song... :) (She smiled a little more than this...but Daddy wasn't so hot with the camera this time...I think he didn't want proof that Gracie smiles at me!!)  haha

Oh the smiles are starting. They'd been sorta-smiling for a few days, but it wasn't a "that's for sure a smile cuz they're happy rather than gassy" smile until two days ago.  Love!  Caleb has this great big open mouth gummy smile that makes me melt in an instant.  Grace has this subtle "I'm so cute even when I'm not smiling so this is what you get" smile that induces equal melting.  Love.

Today we are going to get the twins' hip ultrasounds (breech babies apparently need hip ultrasounds to make sure that all is ok).  I'm nervous.  Caleb HATES being held down.  Grace doesn't have much experience with it yet. This should be interesting.

Caleb has taken a bit of a turn for the worse recently.  He's still not wheezing or anything like that, but his nose seems to be worse and he's not eating well now because he can't breathe and would you want to suck down a bottle of anything while holding your breath? No. Me neither.  Poor baby. Poor poor baby.  I wish I could fix it for him. 

Grace is still half-heartedly coughing, which pleases me that she hasn't gone full-blown coughing or anything.  I hope she fights it off for good.  C'mon Gracie, keep fightin!

B's sister is in town from Indy and she's been SO helpful so far. She cooked dinner and dessert for us last night, washed all of the bottles, and she feeds Grace as well.  Caleb obviously is a bit high maintenance with the eating right now, so I don't want to throw that at her. 

We got our new refrigerator installed yesterday! It's pretty and spacious and doesn't stop working all of a sudden and freak me out about my stash of breastmilk going bad.  I love new fridge.

I had two glasses of wine last night and sat worrying about B going back to work. I contemplated finishing off the bottle, but remembered that I'd have to pump and dump.  Boo.

The counseling session was a big fat waste of my time.  Our time.  B had to take an afternoon feeding alone because of that session.  This counselor would.not.shutup.  It was so incredibly bizarre.  I actually had to CUT HER OFF to talk about my own damn feelings.  So weird.  I had things I wanted to share, things I needed to get off my chest- have someone listen to, validate, whatever.  She asked me I think a total of four questions in the 45 minute session.  I think she needed a glass of water afterward she was talking so much.  She told me all about her own kids, told me that I was going to be fine, that time will make everything easier, that it must be hard with two, that of course I'm overwhelmed, that going back to work was a life-saver for her, that we should hire a nanny, a night nurse, a mommy's helper, that she has a great service I could use to find someone, that she went through  the whole process to hire a nanny and then a friend ended up working out as their nanny and then the friend got pregnant three months after they hired her and it was absolutely perfect for everyone... that I should wean them off of breastfeeding (after I told her I was exclusively pumping)...it went on and on.  I got to tell her that one of the hardest things is missing B because we're splittle shifts most of the time, and she proceeded to take 10 minutes to tell me that we should go out on dates together.  yeah. i know. we're working on it.  She asked me if I was having any trouble bonding with the babies. I told her no, not at all...but that I'm struggling with feeling like I'm neglecting one of them all the time while I'm tending to the other.  She immediately told me that it's just mommy guilt, everyone has it, and that post-partum depression is officially ruled out if I'm not having trouble bonding with the babies. Ok, great. Thanks. Still not helping me.

She at one point in her babble mentioned that one of her colleagues in their practice has twin boys who are in college now.  I scheduled my next appointment with that lady.

Of course, I got home and the next day got a call from my OB saying they need a letter faxed to them from the counselor's office stating that I'm in their care for my insurance...so I had to call and leave a voicemail for that counselor saying "I'm looking forward to scheduling with you again soon (lie), could you please send a fax to my doc saying you're treating me?"  Awkward. I'm sure she went and saw that I'm on the books with someone else.  I wonder if she'll send the letter. 

We put up a few little Christmas decorations the other day but it still feels nothing like Christmas.  I think not getting out of the house much will do that.  Hopefully we can go get a Christmas tree soon...maybe that will help.

Ok, I think that's all of my randomness. 

Oh- Josey at My Cheap Version of Therapy had her baby and it's a GIRL!!! Go wish her a huge congrats! :)