I'm contemplating all kinds of madness right now, not the least of which being how much harder this has gotten in the past week or so. I don't know what happened, but somehow I jumped from "we're going to break the weight record and have wonderfully chubby babies" to "get them out now, I'm done, please God help me".
Don't get me wrong, I am still enamored by the fact that my body is doing something right. I'm still totally in awe that we're even Pregnant, let alone carrying twins to what could be full-term. I'm so stoked that I'm surviving this and that in just a few short weeks we'll have BABIES. Real ones, take-home ones, God willing.
However, surviving this is probably the best way I can put it right about now. I'm tired of people telling me that I don't at all look like I'm carrying twins. That was super awesome there for a while but now that I feel like I'm carrying triplets, I want the damn credit for carrying twins...just so that I don't feel so awful about feeling soooo awful.
Plus, I got sick. So my throat really, really hurts and I can't get off the couch without groaning ridiculously loud groans...and I got hemorrhoids.
And is anyone else so out of control itchy all over their body at the end of pregnancy like me?
Ok, enough of those contemplations. Moving on to my next contemplation- I want my mommy. Whenever I get sick, I have this overwhelming urge to be taken care of by my mom. My husband is seriously the best thing in the entire world, I know this. That doesn't make him anywhere near as comforting to a soar throat as my mom. Weird, I know. I'm apparently 7.
But this additional thought-time on my mom has me thinking about a few things. First, my mama just celebrated her birthday- happy birthday mama- and I was super sad that our internet was down for two days so I couldn't write a post about my mom's bday. Because not only is she the most amazing mother a girl could ever ask for, she's pretty much the best Nana I've ever heard of. My niece and nephew, K and E, have spent many a day hanging with Nana and Papa...and they absolutely adore hanging with Nana and Papa. Watching my mom with these two little people just reminds me everytime how incredibly lucky I am.
First, I got to be RAISED by this woman. She and my dad were/are unbelievable parents. I think about the kind of parent I want to be, and I absolutely think of them. Absolutely. Sometimes I fear living up to them...but I also know that, just like with everything that's come up in my life of any substance, I can go to them for guidance and support. They've already shown B and I unimaginable amounts of support in our marriage, our lives. We're lucky that Nana's gonna come and stay with us for the first week we're home with our two littles...and then she's gonna come back and help me once B goes back to work. I know she's gonna be on speed dial for those weeks in between- and I know the advice I get from her will be the good stuff- the stuff you don't turn your nose up to or roll your eyes at cuz you've heard that a thousand times and it just.doesn't.work.for.you. Plus, the major bonus of my mama and I- she doesn't make me wanna run away and hide. I can very easily tell her to take a back seat on this one- I'm gonna test out my own mommy skills and quite possibly fail- and you're gonna just sit back and feel good about it. no judgement. And I can tell her that she's gotta go out for a little while and give B and I some alone time with our offspring. And I can ask her to help with the laundry instead of holding little lady- cuz she gets it. I mean, honestly, she gets it. How friggin lucky am I?
I know things are gonna get real crazy here, real soon. There will be c-section drama, and nursing drama, and just plain ol' "we've got twins, holy crap" drama. So I need to say this now, just in case my brain don't work so good later- Mama...thank you. Thank you for your unconditional support. Thank you for teaching me that I can be a good mother through your own actions. Thank you for loving me when I'm so truly unlovable. And thank you for supporting us in this incredibly important time in our lives. ...oh, and if I don't thank you later- thanks for doing the laundry, changing poopy diapers, cooking, and helping to keep the house from being condemned. Cuz I know you get it. And I couldn't love you more. Happy, happy birthday. love, your baby girl