Saturday, October 8, 2011

33 Weeks...and lots of contemplating

I'm contemplating all kinds of madness right now, not the least of which being how much harder this has gotten in the past week or so.  I don't know what happened, but somehow I jumped from "we're going to break the weight record and have wonderfully chubby babies" to "get them out now, I'm done, please God help me". 

Don't get me wrong, I am still enamored by the fact that my body is doing something right.  I'm still totally in awe that we're even Pregnant, let alone carrying twins to what could be full-term.  I'm so stoked that I'm surviving this and that in just a few short weeks we'll have BABIES.  Real ones, take-home ones, God willing. 

However, surviving this is probably the best way I can put it right about now.  I'm tired of people telling me that I don't at all look like I'm carrying twins.  That was super awesome there for a while but now that I feel like I'm carrying triplets, I want the damn credit for carrying twins...just so that I don't feel so awful about feeling soooo awful. 

Plus, I got sick.  So my throat really, really hurts and I can't get off the couch without groaning ridiculously loud groans...and I got hemorrhoids.


And is anyone else so out of control itchy all over their body at the end of pregnancy like me? 

Ok, enough of those contemplations.  Moving on to my next contemplation- I want my mommy.  Whenever I get sick, I have this overwhelming urge to be taken care of by my mom.  My husband is seriously the best thing in the entire world, I know this.  That doesn't make him anywhere near as comforting to a soar throat as my mom.  Weird, I know.  I'm apparently 7.

But this additional thought-time on my mom has me thinking about a few things.  First, my mama just celebrated her birthday- happy birthday mama- and I was super sad that our internet was down for two days so I couldn't write a post about my mom's bday.  Because not only is she the most amazing mother a girl could ever ask for, she's pretty much the best Nana I've ever heard of.  My niece and nephew, K and E, have spent many a day hanging with Nana and Papa...and they absolutely adore hanging with Nana and Papa.  Watching my mom with these two little people just reminds me everytime how incredibly lucky I am. 

First, I got to be RAISED by this woman.  She and my dad were/are unbelievable parents.  I think about the kind of parent I want to be, and I absolutely think of them.  Absolutely.  Sometimes I fear living up to them...but I also know that, just like with everything that's come up in my life of any substance, I can go to them for guidance and support. They've already shown B and I unimaginable amounts of support in our marriage, our lives.  We're lucky that Nana's gonna come and stay with us for the first week we're home with our two littles...and then she's gonna come back and help me once B goes back to work.  I know she's gonna be on speed dial for those weeks in between- and I know the advice I get from her will be the good stuff- the stuff you don't turn your nose up to or roll your eyes at cuz you've heard that a thousand times and it just.doesn'  Plus, the major bonus of my mama and I- she doesn't make me wanna run away and hide.  I can very easily tell her to take a back seat on this one- I'm gonna test out my own mommy skills and quite possibly fail- and you're gonna just sit back and feel good about it. no judgement.  And I can tell her that she's gotta go out for a little while and give B and I some alone time with our offspring. And I can ask her to help with the laundry instead of holding little lady- cuz she gets it.  I mean, honestly, she gets it.  How friggin lucky am I? 

I know things are gonna get real crazy here, real soon.  There will be c-section drama, and nursing drama, and just plain ol' "we've got twins, holy crap" drama.  So I need to say this now, just in case my brain don't work so good later- Mama...thank you.  Thank you for your unconditional support.  Thank you for teaching me that I can be a good mother through your own actions.  Thank you for loving me when I'm so truly unlovable.  And thank you for supporting us in this incredibly important time in our lives.  ...oh, and if I don't thank you later- thanks for doing the laundry, changing poopy diapers, cooking, and helping to keep the house from being condemned. Cuz I know you get it.  And I couldn't love you more.  Happy, happy birthday. love, your baby girl


  1. Such a sweet post. You are incredibly loved. I will always be there for you and your little luckies. They are lucky to have you as their mama. You are going to be amazing.

  2. Your Momma sounds like an awesome lady. :)

    Also, try aquaphor for the itchiness - all of my friends have recommended it, and it works great (it's an oil based lotion though, so be careful what clothing you wear over it in case it leaks through onto it - maybe put it on before bed and pajamas?).

    Sorry you're feeling so shitty. :( It seems like just yesterday you were so sick, and now you're dealing with shittiness on the other end. *sigh* Soonnnnn - soon - you will meet these little ones and it will all be worth it!!

  3. Have you had the itching checked? It could be totally normsl but I ignored mine and it turned out to be cholestasis so now I advise everyone to never ignore a symptom eithout getting it checked first!

    I am not surprised by how you are feeling. I was more surprised by how you were feeling befire because I know I was feeling awful by this time in my pregnancy and I was only carrying one baby. It will never detract from how blessed you feel for being pregnant but no matter how blessed you feel you can still feel awful. I have my baby boy in my arms now and the emotional fallout of the pregnancy experience I had is huge but it doesn't mean I don't feel blessed beyond words to have him here.

    As for your mom, well I know how you feel. My mum came to help look aftere during the worst of my HG and has ony just gone home from a week of supporting me when Tim went work. She did everything from laundry to nappy changes. And she is coming back later in the month to babysit so I can take Tim out for.our first wedding anniversary. It is so wonderful to have a mum like that and I am so.glad you have such a great mom too xx

  4. Qhoops I seem to have signed in incorrectly. The above comment is from Amanda fom Amanda's Patch

  5. Hey :)

    In answer to your question regarding itching and cholestasis, I had itching all over but not all the time. The worst itching was on my hands (not too much on my feet but there was some). My hands would itch throughout the day but worse at night and in the mornings. I remember waking up and it was like they were on fire and I'd be holding them against the wall and under cold water in an attempt to stop the burning itch. But they didn't itch every day which was weird.

    My stomach and arms itched too but my legs were worse and some days I couldn't wait to get home to take my leggings off because it was like something was crawling over my skin and even taking my trousers off didn't make much difference but I'd try anything to stop it.

    I never had a rash (only the odd spot where I caught myself by scratching too much) and putting moisture cream on didn't make a blind bit of difference. I think this was what finally made me realise that something was wrong, that and the fact that the itching I'd had on the backs of my hands and my legs suddenly spread to the palms of my hands and my wrists and I'd never had that before.

    In fact, thinking about it, the itchy palms was a late development so although it is the most obvious sign, don't let them fob you off. It doesn't take much to have a blood sample taken. As soon as I mentioned itching to my midwife she took some blood. The result of the liver function test came back the following day and was clear, but the test for the level of bile salts in my blood had to be sent to a bigger hospital and so the result came back a day later and showed elevated levels. So even if your liver function test comes back ok you could still be leaking bile salts. Also I'm pretty sure that someone told me you can have cholestasis for a while before the levels start to show up as abnormal and so even if it comes back clear your healthcare professional should retest at a later date if your symptoms persist.

    I hope that helps! Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog. I obviously think my sweet boy is incredibly beautiful but I'm biased of course, so it's lovely to know other people think so too xx

  6. What a sweet message to your mom! She sounds great and I'm sure will be a big help when the babies get here! Sounds like some good advice above for the itching...sorry. I am feeling bad about feeling bad too with a singleton so I can only imagine what it would be like with TWO! You're in the homestretch now though, hang in there!