One Month

My darling Grace and Caleb,

You two are one month old today, and I can't believe it! Time has truly flown by this past month.  You've each already grown so much, and I know the next months will only go faster.  I want to bottle up these precious moments, holding you each in my arms, staring at your tiny fingers, playing with your little toes.  I can carry each of you in one arm you're so light, and I know that won't last forever.

My little Gracie Mae, you're our little butterball...but you're just a tiny little thing.  You came into this world a month ago looking so big next to your brother, and you've had a personality all your own ever since.  We call you our little Diva because you started out as the crier of the two of you- you needed more attention, and you were quite a bit more stubborn.  But this past month has brought a lot of changes, and you truly are an easy going little princess.  You cry when you need to be changed, fed, or held, but you're happy as soon as we get there.  You can't get enough of lying on your Daddy's chest.  He puts you to sleep instantly, and its the only time that you seem to ever be truly relaxed...lying with your daddy.  My heart melts every time.

A lot of the time I'm worried about you because you just seem so uncomfortable.  You have reflux, and what seems like some serious gas pains all the time.  You take gas drops with every bottle and we have you on reflux medication now twice a day...I'm hoping you outgrow it soon, but you're still so little I'm afraid we have a while until your tummy matures all the way.

You're a super eater now, though. I remember in the hospital we had the hardest time getting you to drink 15mL from your bottle.  Now you take down 80 or 90 ml at every feed, eight times per day. You and your brother are eating only breast milk, but you have pretty much stopped nursing, so we only feed you by the bottle.  I haven't given up on it yet, though.  We'll keep trying!

My favorite times of the day are when you're awake and looking around, which has just started happening a little more often.  For the first couple weeks of your life we were one "calorie watch" and pretty much needed you to eat and sleep, period.  But now I spend a good deal of time trying to wake both of you up...and you're definitely in love with your sleep, especially when I'm trying to get you up and at 'em! But those few times when you decide you want to check out the world, I can't get enough!  Today we spent a long time just staring at each other.  You've got such beautiful eyes, I love looking at them.  You also are starting to recognize your little toys a bit now, and today you stared at the lion on your bouncy chair for almost thirty minutes (with a little time looking at the hippo...but I think you're much more fond of that lion!).  We also spend a little time on your play mat every day now, and you swing your arms and kick your legs enough to get all of those little friends moving around, too!

Gracie, I never want to forget your chubby little cheeks and those adorable baby rolls on your legs and knees.  And your hair! I just love stroking your hair, it's so soft.  Especially after bath time (which only happens a couple times a week right now,but I'm so looking forward to stopping the "sponge baths" and getting you in some water soon!  And baby girl, you smell like heaven.  I could just lay smelling you all day long if you'd let me.

I'm so proud of how big you're getting, but a part of me doesn't want you to keep growing.  I want to savor every minute of your tiny-ness.  But, baby, you will keep growing, and I can't wait to see what the next days, months, and years bring for you.  You're such a strong little girl already...I love you, little face!

And my baby boy, Caleb.  Oh, my tiny little man.  This month has been such a roller coaster of emotion for me- I spent so much time worried about you and feeling like I had let you down. You were just so skinny and frail when you were born, and then you lost more weight and, baby boy, you were TEENSY! But...little man...you've officially taken care of my fears! You're a rockstar little eater and you've taken it upon yourself to ensure I don't feel awful any longer.  You're eating about 4 oz (about 120mL) at every meal, eight times per day and your little cheeks have gone from sunken in to full on chub!

You were our super chill little one in the beginning.  You wouldn't mind waiting for us to tend to Grace when she'd cry her eyes out; your patience was surprising.  Lately, however, you've found your voice and you make sure we don't forget it!  But buddy, you're still such a laid back dude.  Today, you laid in your crib for a good 20 minutes just hanging out peacefully because you just weren't tired when your sister was.  I make sure to take advantage of alone time with you and your sister whenever I can, because I just love gazing into your eyes and watching your little facial expressions.  I love when you hold my finger as I feed you or when I'm just taking a little Caleb time. 

You've had a couple of rough times this past month- you were born a bit jaundice and you had to get your blood drawn way more than I would have liked.  You really didn't cry much at all, though. But today, you got your newborn screening done...and you screamed your little head off!  What a difference a month can make! And you sure let us know how mad you were about being circumcised...sorry about that, bubba. I love that you're lungs are getting stronger and your personality is bubbling up.  You only really cry when you're wet, hungry, or just really really want to be held.  You're such a good baby, little dude! But I worry sometimes- it seems like you might have reflux like your sister, now...and you still choke a lot when we're feeding you.  Hopefully you'll grow out of that and figure out this whole breathing while eating thing. 

You're eating only breast milk, and you've actually figured out the latching thing so we can nurse every once in a while.  Somehow though, you're never satisfied from nursing so I always give you a bottle afterward... and of course you finish the whole thing! I think you might be our linebacker one day...or maybe a QB! ;)  Nana would say "absolutely not" and make sure that I plug becoming a pitcher.  I'm good with that, too.

I never want to forget how soft your little feet are, and your adorable gas smiles!  You'll open your mouth SO wide and get this hysterical grin on your face, inevitably followed by a very loud noise and another diaper change... Oh, and your squeaking. You speak through squeak and it's the cutest thing. You've just started to sort of babble through squeaking rather than just squeaking when you're upset.  You squeak at your little friends on your play mat and I love watching it. 

You don't love bath time right now because you're not a fan of getting cold...but soon we'll be able to let you sit in some water, and I so hope that you like that. 

Your Daddy and I dream of what the future holds for you.  I couldn't be more in love with you, and I know I'm going to just keep falling more and more in love with you every day.  I can't wait to watch you grow and get stronger.  But not too fast, ok little pants? I want to cherish these moments that I can hold you so close and keep you safe...

My loves, my luckies... this has been the most incredible month of my life.  I never knew how difficult, and how rewarding it could be to have you here with me, and I'm so unimaginably grateful. You two truly are miracles, I hope you know that.