The twins, our little luckies, are two weeks old today! What an amazing world it is.
The appointment on Thursday went well- Caleb has officially passed his birth weight and weighed in at 5lbs 9oz! Still teeny tiny, but a half a pound bigger than when we left the hospital, so that's fabulous! Grow little man, grow! Baby Grace is still just shy of her birth weight weighing in at 6lbs even. I'm sure by now she's surpassed that, though.
We talked to the doc about Grace's groaning and tummy trouble- so I've started her on gas drops with every feed. So far it seems to be helping a bit. We've also inclined her bed a little. She's still doing the arch back thing, which leads us more toward reflux. But we'll see.
Ok, I don't want to get started on any sort of circumcision debate here- I know how heated those things can get. We've decided to circumsize little man (I'm sure he'll love this later...), and I've felt good about that decision. Until now. They weren't recommending doing the circ at the hospital because a) he was "late preterm"...lovely, b) he was just a little guy, and c) he wasn't really doing so great on the eating thing. Lots of falling asleep on the bottle/breast. So they recommended giving him a little more time to grow and get solid in the suck/swallow/breath things since the circumcision can make little dudes sorta sleepy (aka hunger strike cuz WTF did you just do to me??!?!?!?!?)
Well, I was hoping we at least could get it done in the first two weeks of little man's life. Now they want to wait til next week and I'm thinking 'holy crap he's getting too old for this and I'm way too attached and it's gonna hurt him and he's gonna be mad at me and resent me and I'm fairly certain he can remember stuff now cuz he's so OLD". Logical, I know.
So we're scheduled for next Thursday, but not until we have another weigh in on Wednesday that shows he's still growing and eating well. If not, then what? They wait some more? What, is he gonna be like 12 when this thing happens? I just want to say "nevermind", it's not worth it. But I don't own the equipment so I'm not gonna make this final call- especially cuz I'm super wicked emotional and not exactly logical all the time nowadays.
Speaking of super wicked emotional- I'm on "post partum depression watch" now. I went and had my two week post-op appt with my doctor...and promptly broke down crying the moment she came to the lobby to get me. Then I cried the entire appointment. Then I had planned to use my gift card from my wonderful husband for our anniversary to get a facial cuz B said I should and I've been obviously a little unstable and he thought it would help. Well, I had scheduled for right after my visit with the doc, but when I went out there, they somehow had forgotten to add me to the schedule and couldn't get me in for another 45 minutes, so I broke down crying in the lobby of the spa. HOLY WTF. I was so incredibly embarrassed, but I seriously could NOT control it. It was flippin awful. So of course the amazing nurses saw the mess, pulled me aside, got me some water, told me they'd figure something out, got my doctor who came out and pulled me into a room to talk to me about how I "was feeling"...and decided that they should call me on Monday to "make sure I'm ok". Yeah. For real.
I'm not feeling like I'm going to hurt anybody or anything like that. I'm not feeling detached from my precious children or angry at them, or anything. I just feel super emotional and exhausted...and a little bit like I'm failing at this motherhood thing. I keep saying to myself that if there were just one then I'd be better at this- but with the two, I feel like I can't do it well enough. I can't split my time, I can't feed them together, I can't handle hearing one cry while I'm tending to the other, I can't sleep...I just can't. I really hate feeling like this. And I totally know that it's absolutely normal to feel overwhelmed and my hormones are like rabid monkeys bouncing around... I just gotta get through this stage. It's gotta get better on the hormone front. I cry nightly. Not cool, body, not cool. I want to cherish every single waking second with these amazing miracles. I don't want one bit of it to be tarnished by sadness or anxiety. But alas, such is life.
So they started talking to me about how the baby blues only last a couple of weeks and if it continues much longer then they think I should talk to a counselor or maybe start some medication. I don't know. I'm gonna wait to see what happens. I'm so incredibly happy to have my beautiful babies here, well, and in my arms. I feel like such a horrible person having any of these feelings.
Anyway- lots of great stuff going on right now as well. I don't want you to think I'm completely F'd up. I swear, I'm not. We got our newborn photos and they're brilliant. Hopefully we'll get the CD soon so I can upload some. ALSO- I, apparently, have broken my doctor's office's record for the most weight loss the quickest... I'm already down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I lost about 50 pounds in about 11 days. Haha, nice. I look so different- my legs are actually smaller than they were. My belly has a little bit of a jiggle to it now, but I don't have a pooch or anything like I thought I would for months. Just sorta soft. And my butt got flat!!! Oh, and the ladies up top- no joke. This breastfeeding thing is for real. ;)
We're still exclusively pumping. I'm really not working very hard to get them to latch ever. It just seems so futile. Pumping is a pain though- I hate having to wash all of that stuff all the time, every 2 and a half hours. But my production is great, and I'm already freezing a ton. I get almost 200 mL every time I pump (about 15 minutes or so). Things have gotten better since I started using a hands free pump...it was awful being stuck holding the pumps on. I would highly recommend if you're going to be doing any large amount of pumping. I have the Med.ela Free.style. Kinda pricey, but worth it.
Alright, gotta go- one of them is stirring. Oh my loves. :)