Tuesday, July 19, 2011

All kinds of uncertainty

In an effort to attempt to check off a few to-do list items, I'd set up a couple appointments this week- both with daycares near our house and with a pediatrician for a "meet and greet". Today is our first daycare tour at a very well known daycare- Kin.dercare.  I don't know how I feel about it yet.  We also have an appointment tomorrow at Tu.tor Ti.me- also don't know how I feel about it yet.  I need to set up an appointment with another one that I've read about near me that's not as Nationally known, is quite a bit cheaper, but has several locations in our state and seems pretty good.  Uncertainty is the name of the game for me with daycare and I cry sometimes when I think about it.  There's a big part of me that wishes I could stay home with them.  That wishes I could be the one they spend their days with.  When you think about it, when they get a bit older and are sleeping through the night, the majority of their waking time will be spent with "somebody else"... tears.

But I know that 1) financially that wouldn't be the best option for us.  Although those Nationally known daycares are gonna cost us about $2000 per month (*gulp), I make more than that.  2) B makes the same as I do- we don't have a "primary earner" if you will- we're both pretty equal so taking one of our salaries away is cutting out half of our income which would be a big pill to swallow, especially with two more mouths to feed. And finally, 3)- there's a part of me that wants to work.  I don't know how big of a part of me.  It changes all the time.  Some days I think that I'd give anything to just stay home (and I could if I really wanted to- we could swallow that big pill if we decided it was best, at least for a while).  But then some days- I know that my personality needs work.  I need to have those feelings of "success" if you will.  It's hard to explain, and I know that I could still feel success at home- but recognition is a weird innate need for me.  When I work really hard at a project and then get to feel the reward of success or recognition...it's important to me.  Could I live without it? I'm sure I could.  Would I be better off? I'm not sure.  Could all of this change as soon as I see their little faces? Absolutely.  Who knows how I'm going to feel.  But the financial aspect remains.  It isn't the "smartest" idea for me to stay home.  Sigh.

So at this point I'm hoping we go to a daycare and fall in love with it.  We meet the teachers, meet the staff, and just know that "this is the place".  That I'll feel as close to "comfortable" with the idea of "somebody else" taking care of my kids.  I hear that you get used to it, that you get very comfortable with your daycare if they're good and then they become like family.  I hope.

So- the other appointment was with a pediatrician nearby.  We went yesterday- they were on a list of peds that my OB gave us who work with the hospital I'll be delivering at.  I called and asked sort of rookie-like how this all works with meeting the doctor and the receptionist was very nice and gave me the low down.  They have 5 doctors in the practice- a lot of people come and meet each of them individually and then sort of pick their favorite to be their primary pediatrician.  But if push comes to shove, and babies need a doctor when "ours" isn't available- we've got four others to see.  A lot more availability for appointments.  Ok- so we booked our meet and greet with one of them for last night right before office close.  I came home from work early and B and I drove together.  I jotted down a few questions on the way- what is their philosophy on immunization schedules, talk to me about circumcision, what would be your involvement if babies are in the NICU, do you have any recommendations for local daycares... :)  We got there and they have a sick child entrance and a well child entrance- check.  That's crucial.  The staff seemed nice- a receptionist came out into the waiting room to drop off a brochure for us to look at while we waited. They had a TV playing a Disney movie and the walls were covered in murals- very cute, although not really on the list of must-haves, ha.  They took us back and as we waited in this little room it was so surreal to me.  We could be in that room with our twins getting a Well Baby checkup in just a few months.  Crazy.

We waited for a while and got a little stir crazy.  I have no idea now what we were laughing at, but B had me in full on tears before the doctor came in.  I was actually wheezing- which had me in even more tears as B told me I sounded like an old man.  I do remember the little bed in the exam room looked like a train and B noted "Why do little kids like trains so much? It's such an outdated technology..."  He's gonna be an amazing Dad- I was dying laughing as he pondered the origins of childrens' obsessions with trains. "Why not Thomas the Fighter Jet?"

The doctor came in and sort of sat there staring at us for a bit.  She was nice and all.  Very polite.  I told her this was our first "Meet and Greet" and we didn't really know how it all goes.  She said it's mostly for people to see where the office is and put a face to a name.  Great- so we are supposed to just leave now? "Hi- nice to meet you Dr.X. Ok, bye now." It was awkward.  I decided to say I had some questions and proceeded with my drilling.  I think she thought I was neurotic (which I may have been- I just didn't really know what I was doing and c'mon, help a sister out).  She answered politely enough, but every response came across a little "trivial", ya know?  Like- of course we use a local anesthetic for the circumcision.  That's "standard practice" nowadays.  I don't know lady- I've never had one! And the immunization schedule- she said "we promote immunizations".  Um, I know.  I figured you weren't the one pediatrician out there touting "no shots!".  But when I asked about the schedule- when do they actually do them? Are many done in the hospital right away? What about immunizations for parents? She sort of seemed to chuckle and tell me that only one is done in the hospital- they get most around 2 months.  And "they" don't do immunizations for parents. The hospital would offer that.

I don't blame her for coming off like that- she sees this stuff everyday all day.  I'm just a rookie.  I honestly don't know which side is up when it comes to a lot of this baby stuff (yes- even infertile women who do all kinds of research on GETTING pregnant often times don't know too much about actually BEING pregnant- or the madness/gloriousness thereafter with an actual real live baby or two...).  Anyway- I'm glad I didn't just go to put a face to the name- I'm glad I asked the questions because it gave me an opportunity to see a little bit more about this doctor's personality.  I'm not gonna know what the hell I'm doing once the babies get here either, so I want a doctor who gets that and who wants to make me feel awesome about my lack of knowledge.  "Oh yeah- the babies shouldn't eat cheerios at a month old. Great question One Day! I get that all the time and you know, that whole newborn equals no solid food thing- that's a tricky one...you're doing a fantastic job!"  THAT'S what I'm looking for.


  1. Gotta love the Dr. meet and greet. I had the same thing happen when I was pregnant with LJ. The offices for this Dr. and ours sound almost identical. Weird. Anyway, she has kind of a dry personality, but is EXCELLENT with kids, maybe not so much with adults. Probably why she's in the profession she's in. Also, She is soooo good at her job. She found things that other Dr.'s missed, and is excellent at making LJ feel comfortable. I'm getting the same vibe about the Dr. you met. JMHO

    Also, As a kid, my brother and I went to Ki.nder. Care. I loved it there, too. The teachers have such strict rules with how to deal with the kids (my cousin works there now) that they really have to love kids to work there. I remember it being a blast all the time. I had my favorite teachers, but all of them were nice. One time, one of them snapped (kinda) at another kid, and that was the last time we saw her. Seriously, they don't put up with impatient teachers.

    Anyway... hope that helps. So glad that things are going well!

  2. I find the US medical system confusing as it is so different over here in the UK. When you move to a new area you register with the GP surgery covering that area. You are then sent a card telling you who your doctor is, but actually more times than when you ring for an appointment you just ask to see whichever doctor is free first. Unless of course you have a favourite and you book far enough in advance to choose (ie it's a routine appointment rather than an emergency). I saw every single doctor in my surgery during the worst of my HG and I found out who my favourite was (ie the one who finally paid attention to me at 22 weeks and finally gave me meds, as opposed to the one I saw a week earlier to told me to "shut up and put up" with the sickness!!)

    As for the daycare, that is tough! I have worked in a couple of daycare providers and can tell you that over here at least the standard of care can vary greatly between nurseries. I left the first one I worked at as I was fed up of arguing with my manager about all the things that really worried me such as never having a fire drill, never having enough staff, never having enough supplies etc etc. And that was one of the largest daycare providers in the UK! The second one I worked at was run by a local family and was so much nicer and although it looked less professional at first glance as it wasn't purpose built etc it provided a much happier and safer environment for the children and staff. So when you visit the daycare places make sure to look beyond the obvious things as some of these big chains are good at covering up their faults and coming across as much better than they are. Well at least that's the way it is here anyway. I hope you find somewhere you're happy with xx