The Big 3-0

No, not B's big 3-0, which, by the way, is coming in just two short months!!!  This is Luckies' big 3-0! I can't believe we're in the 30's of weeks...I remember being 6 weeks, wanting to know why I felt so terribly sick, and thinking "surely this can't last through the ENTIRE first trimester" as I held my breath and hoped there would be an entire first trimester...

We are now merely 6 weeks and 4 days away from the last possible day I'll be pregnant.  Ever. It's such a surreal feeling thinking about that.  I know, I know, so many people say "just wait and see, things will change"- and I know they very well could.  But let me tell you, we are so incredibly and undeniably blessed. I can't imagine even hoping for another pregnancy at this point (let alone that the whole idea of pregnancy again after the hyperemesis kind of makes me SUPER nervous... and we'd have to go through an FET to get there...which is obviously an amazing option we have since we have 8 frosties- still in total disbelief about this, I can't believe we made quality embryo's, let alone 10 of them!!)  Ok whoa, stream of consciousness, sorry.

So back to the big 3-0.  With this incredible milestone comes a recognition of my even moreso incredible procrastination.  There's a list of things I swore I'd have done by 28 weeks, if not sooner, as my doctor reminded me again and again: "Get everything done by 28 weeks- with twins, you just need to have it all done...".  Um, yeah. Not done.

1. Picking a friggin daycare.  This is the bain of my existence.  The internal war I have going on right now is seriously epic and if I even gave you a glimpse at the truth of what's going down in my head, you'd institutionalize me. So here's a snippet of this situation that's totally censored to avoid my hospitalization:  B and I have "narrowed" it down to two less-than-ideal daycare centers.  I say less-than-ideal because I have found something or somethings wrong with every single possible option and these two are no different.  But I can't very well just hide them under my desk like I want to... so less-than-ideal is really our only option at this point.  I'm less than 7 weeks away from delivering twins and I have no idea what we'll be doing with them 3 months later when I return to work.  Any option is better than no option at this point.  Ugh, I hate saying that.  HATE.  I'm so F'ing torn. 

So- we're down to the Valley Le.arning Ce.nter or Tu.tor Ti.me.  Here's my way overly simplified breakdown of the two- remember, I'm leaving so much out because I don't want you to know the truth about how gnarley this all is in my head...

TT- I've been there three times now to just stop in, check it out, sit in the infant room and make sure that the babies aren't being ignored, abused, whatever. The two regular girls who work in the infant room seem to be lovely.  There are usually 10 babies in that room, with these two girls.  Each time I've gone in, there are a few babies hanging in cribs, not crying, but just hanging.  But each time I've gone in there are two babies being fed, one by each girl, or one baby being fed and one being changed...you get the picture.  This room is for 6 weeks to 1 year, all combined. I don't like that.  Most of the other places we've been have two infant rooms, one for the tiny non-mobile babies, and one for the little walkers.  I've seen the little walkers in this room crash into the non-mobile baby "toys" (play mats, bouncers) without babies in them, so I assume the same happens when there are babies utilizing those things.  They seem to have a really good hang on the organization aspect.  It seems very clean.  I've toured the rest of the facility and this is obviously a very well-known daycare center- they've got what they need.  The last two times I went, there was a lice outbreak and they were super on top of it, had moved to combing through every child's head before they entered any rooms each day.  This is the more expensive option and doesn't provide flexibility for B and I to pay less if we use them 4 days per week instead of 5.  It's about 10 minutes from work and 10 minutes from home.

VLC- I've only been to VLC once, and I keep meaning to go back but have gotten significantly busier since we saw this one (this is the last one we saw)...and my procrastination has gone into overdrive. There are three VLC's throughout our very large town, and this one is about 5 minutes from home, and about 20 minutes from work. They have two infant room, one for the littles and one for the movers.  The women in the movers room were really great- but we didn't really get to talk to the women in the little baby room.  When I looked into the little baby room (they have those half door things so they let people stand outside the room rather than having tours and stuff go in and disturb the babies- I kinda like that), there were probably 7 babies in cribs just hanging out.  One cried for a little bit before being picked up, but was then picked up and changed.  No babies were on the floor- they were either with someone or in the crib. I don't know if I like that or not...I don't want my baby just stuck in a crib all day.  I'd like them to be able to use different stuff to lie around in- different stimuli.  But the babies in the movers room were all over the place, moving around- crashing into one another which is perfectly fine at that age...we'll have twins, plenty of crashing will be going on at home let alone daycare.  One lady in the little baby room kinda scared me- I'm not gonna go into why cuz that would be far too great a glimpse into my craziness, but it just kinda scared me.  The rest of the facility was lacking a little bit, but was definitely adequate for a 2 or 3 year old.  This is the far cheaper option- it's a much simpler set up, and it provides us the opportunity to save money by using them 4 days per week (which is definitely an option for us most weeks) so it's thousands of dollars less per year. 

So, basically, I'm torn.  The fact that the second one seems plenty adequate and is significantly cheaper is pulling at me.  I like that it's so close to home, but I'm sure closer to work is more important... I like that the second one has the two infant rooms, but that one lady scared me.  And the whole sitting in cribs thing was a bit alarming.  I need to go back to VLC and check it out.  Both have video cameras in the rooms so I could watch without the teachers knowing.  I want to do that. 

There you have it. The "censored" breakdown.  Need to finalize. Need to go see them again.  Need to just tell my brain that it's ok- I'm not a horrible mother for leaving my little miracles in the care of random women...  this is gonna take a little while.

The rest of the procrastination is far less wearing. The nursery still needs to get organized. I ordered new pull down shade for the windows in the nursery and guest room ($$), and now my Mom and I get to work on making the windows look pretty to save some money that seems to be quickly flying out of our bank account.  We got our glider in the mail and it's pretty! It's not as soft and cushiony as the ones at BRU that we were looking at, but it was about $300 cheaper, so I'll take it.  The guest room is still very much full of baby "gear" that's not really put together but sort of...

We also need to go and interview a couple more pediatricians at the place we chose.  We only met that one that we didn't like, but we liked the actual place and our nurse practitioner goes there and LOVES most of the docs (except the one we saw).  So it's just a matter of picking which one will be ours.

All of our classes are done now.  And I'm working part-time from home which is helping.  I just can't believe we're so close.  I feel huge so I also can't believe I've got nearly 7 weeks left to grow...it feels like they're gonna rip right out of my stomach sometimes.  Should be an interesting next few weeks!  We get to see them again on Monday afternoon, and then our next appointment at 32 weeks starts the two times per week monitoring.  That's a lot of doctor's visists- and I kinda like it!!!

Oh, and B's probably going to PA for a couple days the last week of September.  He was super nervous about leaving at all, you know- just in case.  But we're gonna make sure my FFN comes back negative and if it does, then he'll go.  I'll still be early enough that if I go into labor, they'll try to stop it so he'll have a little more time to fly back rather than me going straight into a c-section like I would later (if both babies aren't head down, which is looking less and less likely). 

One last thing- the nausea is coming back.  I've upped my dose of meds to twice a day, may have to add another one in the middle of the day again too.  Everytime I eat anything I want to puke and I hold back...but I need to keep eating, so meds is the name of the game.  I'm still at the point where I can hold back though (thank you zof.ran) and I'm still hungry (as opposed to earlier when food in general was the LAST thing I wanted to think about), so we're good.  Nothing like before. But I'm nervous. I don't want to go back to that place.

Ok, to end this epic post- I can't WAIT to see our babies on Monday...and I'm getting seriously antsy to meet these little kickers. They're all over the place now, and I love it.  My whole belly will move, even more than in that video I posted a while ago.  B gets to feel them all the time, and you should see his face. He looks at me like I'm dying or something when they throw one of their big kicks/flips.  I have to admit, it does feel totally crazy.  Oh man, I just love it. I'm definitely gonna miss that part- but we'll get to see them kicking their beautiful legs, so I'd say that's a pretty good consolation prize ;)