2ww +

I hate that little + on top of the 2ww.  Still waiting here. 

This is going to be a loooong weekend.  Saturday is getting close to winding down, so that's good.  Maybe I'll go to sleep super early in hopes that Monday will get here faster.  But then Monday, well Monday...Monday I'm sort of dreading. 

Being "pregnant" is amazing.  I can't wait to one day be Pregnant without the quotes around it.  But right now, in this moment, the possibility that I'm still "pregnant" is a beautiful thing.  I'm over analyzing EVERYTHING of course, and scaring myself incessantly on google, but it's a possibility still.  A little tiny hope that this could still work out.

That could be devastating.

But it could also be wonderful.  Just a little tiny piece of it could turn out wonderful.  I wish I had some statistics other than "very  few and far between", but I'll stick with that as "more than never" and be glad about it.  Just a tiny bit.

We're still talking to Petrie and Ducky.  Which, by the way, it should be Petri...but Petrie just looks better.  We talk to them like there's no chance they're not in there.  It feels so so so much better than those first days after the transfer when it felt like there was no way and it was just a big lie.  I mean, I literally CAN'T believe we made it this far.  We actually got pregnant! Even if it's just a little bit pregnant, just for a minute.

So keep hoping for us, for Monday.  I still have quite the guard up just because I can't let that down without reminding myself of the obvious. But there's a little more light within me right now, and that feels amazing.

Oh, for those who care or want to know, here's a little recap of my 2ww +:

I started out horridly discouraged after the transfer.  I had some mild cramping and abdominal pain left from the stimming, and a couple days after the transfer I had horrible back pain (mainly from just lying down for too long).  When I finally got up and moving, I had a lot of light-headedness and dizzy type spells.  I got a little nauseous right off the bat from the progesterone I'm sure. That's been on and off since the transfer. My boobs weren't very sore at all until about 12dpo.  I got some weird sore skin type feelings all over my upper body around 9-10dpo.  Mostly around my shoulders, and it hurt to the touch.  Then I started feeling better. Overall just better.  My stomach didn't hurt anymore at all really, starting around 8dpo (3dp5dt).  I had indigestion and gas though, but not that stretching sharp pain, or that full feeling.

Then at 13dpo I got some serious AF type cramps.  The bloated feeling was definitely coming back.  I had lower back pain.  I was super irritable, my boobs were getting more sore.  14dpo, test day, I had more of that abdominal pain like the stimming.  Pain up in my diaphragm, like things were moving around. 15dpo, day after test day (yesterday) I woke up with hardly any pain and I was pretty sad.  My stomach felt better. But around late afternoon I started feeling it again.

Today, 16dpo, I've had some sharp pains in my lower abdomen, a little bit of that stomach pain, some nausea still.  Oh, and I'm getting more tired, but having a little trouble sleeping.

So that's that- the overly analyzed symptoms of my 2ww+, which probably mean absolutely NOTHING because I'm swimming in progesterone and estrogen over here.  Now if we can just get me swimming in HCG, I'd be happy.  C'mon 50!!! Give me 50 little guys, I know you're in there!!!  That 12 was cute and all, but I really need some big numbers.  Big Numbers, No Whammies!