Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Not another boring "waiting" post...

What to write...what to write... hmm.  Wouldn't it be nice if this was one of those "I don't really have anything to write about because we miscarried after our first IVF cycle and now we're just waiting for next steps" post?  I mean, I know I love those posts.  But alas, I get to entertain you with brilliant musings by One Day's doctor's office and ever so pleasant Beta Results!

So I went in for my beta on Friday as you recall.  I didn't hear back from the office at all.  So I figured that just meant my HCG was going down like it was supposed to and who wants a phone call about that anyway (other than me, of course). 

Monday (yesterday) comes and I for some reason decide I don't need to have my phone on me at all times like I have over the past two weeks, but rather go about my day trying to be a mildly productive employee. Well it worked and unfortunately I didn't check my phone til 6pm, at which point I had two calls from Dr. Z's office and a voicemail proclaiming that I must come in immediately for a blood test, today.  It's 6pm. So I call the office this morning at 7:32am and I tell them that I've been bleeding and I started birth control on Sunday because the nurse told me to start on CD2 since this was a big fat failure and I'm a large mass of endometriosis and totally addicted to birth control.  So I asked why I would possibly need to come in for a beta. 

I found out that my HCG almost doubled from Wednesday to Friday.

They needed me to come in today for blood work because they're concerned at how weird my HCG is and they are worried about an ectopic. 

So I promptly put my hair in a bun and sprint to the office because I have a job that doesn't like when I just don't show up until about 45 minutes past my start time...blah blah. I get there, proceed to have my blood drawn, ask what my actual beta was and they say about 200. What does that mean, "about 200"? Whatever, I was swimming in a sea of WTF so I didn't even ask. Then as I'm walking out of the fun little blood draw room, Dr. Z pops out of his office yelling my name.  I turn the corner and he's standing there giving me this awkward "how are you feeling after this horrific ride?" look. He tells me that he's very concerned about ectopic at this point, that the numbers are obviously way too low for a viable pregnancy, but that he doesn't know if it's ectopic or an intrauterine pregnancy that's just gone wrong (something about implanting loosely...wtf?) He'll look at the numbers from this morning and let me know what he thinks then.  He explains that he likes to jump on these situations early rather than letting them play out...

I'm at work.  I get a voicemail (because I suck at being by my phone when the doctor's office calls...every time), when I listen to it I hear Dr. Z's voice which definitely isn't good. He says the number went up to 400.  Now, don't get all excited/scared/confused on me.  That's a doubling time of 96 hours. Fail. He repeats that obviously this isn't a viable pregnancy, and he's even more concerned about ectopic.  He wants us to set up a plan and I need to call him back today so we can decide whether I will start methatrexate tomorrow or wait to monitor a bit longer. 

I talked to B and he felt like a snap decision on that wasn't a good idea.  Absolutely.  So I called Dr. Z back and told him I'm not ready for methatrexate tomorrow.  So he said I'll do another beta Thursday.  Then if it goes up again, he's making me start the metha-whatever.  If it goes down we can keep monitoring.

Don't ever ask what the side effects of methatrexate are unless you are fully stable. Dr. Z totally freaked me out with his little "well, it's a chemotherapy drug" speech.  He said some women tolerate it really well, but common side effects are vomiting, nauseau, abdominal pain and cramping, dizziness, fatigue... glorious.

Please let me off this roller coaster.  It's nice and all that I got sorta pregnant...but I kinda want to stop now. 


  1. Holy cow. Why won't this roller coaster just stop and let you off? Ugh. I am so, so sorry that you are still in this land of limbo. I also hope with all I've got that this isn't an ectopic.

    Sigh. Take care of yourself and update when you can. Hugs.

  2. Damn. I'm sorry. Now I feel like I jinxed you.

    I hope your doctor also told you that methotrexate is also used for rhumatoid arthritis, and that the dose that is used for ectopic is a MUCH MUCH lower dose than is used for cancer patients. I had a double dose in November, and can honestly say that it wasn't bad, at least not for me. Actually, looking back, I don't remember any side effects.

    I hope that your number goes down on Thursday (wow. never thought I'd say that) and that all this ectopic stuff is completely avoided. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

  3. Omg, will this not end for you. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Can't imagine what you are feeling right now.
    Hope it ends soon so you are not left hanging.

  4. I am so sorry. Sending thoughts your way and praying that this can all resolve on it's own and that there isn't anything sinister going on. Try not to worry about the side effects of the meds. It's not as bad as you would anticipate it to be. I hope that you don't have to "go there", but, I just wanted to give you that little bit of reassurance.