Last Day

Ok, sorry about that. Yesterday was a rough day.  I'm feeling a little better today. Don't know if it's a little more optomistic or just a little less pessimistic (there's totally a difference).  But I'm not nearly as depressing, so good news for everyone!
I've been somewhat physically miserable today.. Is it weird that that sort of helps the mental game? My stomach hurts like I'm about to see AF- but I'm on progesterone, so I don't think that happens too often.  And I've read that this could be a good sign.  Not counting any chickens here, just not killing them either. You're welcome, chickens.

Tomorrow morning I'll let them stick a needle in my arm with the possibility of absolutely crushing my spirit later in the day.  And I promise not to hurt the lady who does it.  At least not out loud- I'm sure I'll be saying horrible curses at her in my head. But I also promise not to cry in front of any strangers tomorrow, or my co-workers. That's a deal breaker. No crying at work- at least not unless I'm tucked into an awkward conference room (aka Safe Zone).

I will not, however, make any sort of nonsense promises to look on the bright side tomorrow if things don't go our way.  I will, eventually.  But not tomorrow. That's a free day to be uber sad and maybe even straight full of rage. It's my cycle and I'll cry if I want to (alone or with B).

If things go our way, I promise to be way way way too excited and not get bogged down in the "wait no, this doesn't mean we're out of the woods" thoughts until day 2.  Tomorrow is a free day. I will be excited. I will tell everyone who knows that we're going through IVF. Day 2, I will regret this.

Sounds like a good plan.

So don't be expecting any sort of stable post tomorrow. It will be manic.  Either wrecklessly happy or excessively suicidal. No, not really. I'm ok on that front- won't be going anywhere. Just uber sad. I think that's a good term for it.  I'm feeling that a lot right now, off and on.  It will be worse tomorrow. Possibly even for several days, weeks, whatevs. IF it doesn't go our way.

And you know how I told you I'd eat an unimaginable amount of sugar last night. Check! I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies this weekend and finished off the last of the batch...AND most of the extra cookie dough that I saved just for that particular mood.  I think I'll have a bit more tonight, but for sure save some for tomorrow.  Could come in super handy...

P&D- now is your moment.  Go ahead and throw out that HCG surge you've been holding onto. I know, I know. It's greedy, but give it to me! No sense in holding it in. Go ahead and throw it out there. Share the love. Please? <3