Thursday, July 1, 2010

Lupron Starts Today

It's 4am. I can't sleep. And I haven't even started the devil drug that keeps you up at night... Ok, I'm hoping it won't be so bad.  I was on it in a very different way when it was awful for me before.  I took it for three months, with only one injection per month.  This is low dose...this is happy Lupron, right?

I can't stop thinking. I want to go to sleep so bad, but I had this crazy dream that one of my co-worker's son came to work and started complaining to me about how he and his wife had been trying for four months and nothing had happened and they were obviously infertile...then I found out that they had gotten pregnant a year ago and had an abortion because they weren't ready.  This dream was wicked unsettling to me. 

But I'm thinking about everything right now. Work. Home. Babies...the usual suspects.  We got a call yesterday from our drapery place.  The color we picked out for the bedroom is unavailable. We had to pick a new color.  Oh, and the AC broke.  Oh, and the sprinkler system broke. Homeownership.

B and I signed all of the consent forms last night for our appointment this morning to learn about the injections and get my ultrasound. Right after I signed them all I had an intense feeling of guilt for not getting a repeat MRI of my pituitary tumor.  The first RE we went to seemed very concerned about this. The second one, Dr. Z- not so much.  So I decided I was good to go. No need to deal with all of that again, get in with the endocrinologist, have the MRI, find out anything else awful like every other time I've been to that doctor.  But now I'm feeling like the first RE may have been right.  What if getting pregnant increases the size of the tumor, what if it messes with everything? There's not really anything I can do about it now, I think.  I'm sure it's fine...

Work is nuts right now. I've got a lot on my plate. Plus, B and I have been taking a lot of time off because we wanted to really enjoy some time together before jumping on the reproducing roller coaster that comes with a special girl like me :)  But for some reason I didn't take into consideration the amount of time I would need to take off for IVF.  The doctor made it seem minimal.  But apparently I need to take a least a full day off for retrieval and a full day off for transfer, if not more.  I'm good with the quick trips to the doc's office for blood work, monitoring, etc.  It's close to my work, so I can sneak away pretty easily. But full days are hitting me hard right now...I should have  planned better.

I need to stop stressing! I'm kind of panicky right now, and that's not good for a cycle either.  Just chill, it'll be alright.  I wish I would have started acupuncture.  Is it too late? Should I start now? Ok, I'm not good at just chilling...

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