Can I Breathe?

Could I?  Really?  I mean, I just don't think I'm ready to be exactly "optimistic" without that caution...and I think that's probably ok.  But when the nurse called today with my HCG number, I can tell you that I was definitely excited!

18dpo, 13dp5dt... 1315!  That's a doubling time of about 45 hours and looking great!

I just felt a little tiny weight lifted.  I don't know if it was because it was our third beta the last time that started the downward spiral, but hearing a positive outcome from this beta was such a huge relief.  I was giddy!

I asked the nurse if this could really be it, and she said yes.  I still don't fully believe her, but I think I'm getting there.  Then she told me that we have the highest numbers out of anyone at the clinic right now.  I guess this was a pretty big cycle, a lot of couples went through IVF with Dr. Z last month.  And our numbers are the highest.  And I'm not sure if the nurse was just confused about what day we were on the last time when she said she didn't think it was twins...cuz this time she said she thinks it is!  Of course with the caveat that what she thinks doesn't matter at all and that there's no way to tell without an ultrasound...but wow.  Just wow!

I would be ecstatic with twins.  I would be ecstatic with one...one real, live, take-home baby.  Oh man!  I just hope this is it!!!

They want to do one more beta on Wednesday and then schedule an ultrasound for next week (which I'm happy about as I thought they'd schedule it for this week and then B would miss it...although I wouldn't mind knowing sooner rather than later!!)

She also reminded me that we wouldn't be looking for a heartbeat(s) until the 6 week mark which wouldn't be until next Thursday.  So if we have an ultrasound before that, we're just checking that everything is good and well...and how many of course!

I'm definitely noticing some changes!  No "morning sickness" to speak of. But oh man I'm starting to feel that tiredness!  I've napped for two hours the last few days!  I'm not sleeping super well at night, but usually napping isn't really in the cards for me, especially a two hour nap!  I'm also wicked thirsty all the time.  I can't get enough water!  I sort of lost my appetite until today.  Today I started to feel a little more hungry and I actually ate a couple of times between breakfast and dinner...I can't seem to get enough salt either.  I'm trying to eat good food...but somehow I missed the memo about no deli meats during pregnancy (how did I miss that???) and I ate a bunch of sliced turkey last week.  I panicked as soon as I found out because apparently paranoia is my new best friend.  But I think I'm clear from the listeria monster for now.  No more deli meat though, I promise.

Today was my first day back at work and it went pretty well.  I took it super easy and really didn't do much work at all (I'm sure I'll regret that later)...and I only worked a normal business day!!  Go ahead, applaud it.  I'm awesome, I know.  Standing ovation maybe?

I'm pathetic.

I'm thoroughly planning on changing the way I work though- there's no way I could keep up with what I was doing before.  It wasn't bad for the whole "climbing the ladder" situation, but there's gotta be priorities.  And those have suddenly taken a dramatic turn. *blush

Ps- don't tell anyone, but I totally asked one of my co-workers who knows about the IVF about her daycare.  Too soon?  (Resounding, "Yes, One Day. Yes, too soon psycho.  You're four and a half weeks along!")  I couldn't help myself...it seems like the cutest little in-home day care center (which she talks about ALL. THE. TIME. particularly around the time when I couldn't bear to even think about babies or a future of us actually having a family) and apparently they take infants and everything.  Ok, slow down, slow down.  Sorry...

This could be devastating. Or amazing.