We have EIGHT frozen embies. EIGHT!
I'm gonna let you marinate on that one for a bit.
Yes, eight. That's almost as big of a number as our first beta the last time around :) Remember that?
I'm elated. Glorious. :) Maybe a few more smileys will really get the point across. :) :) :) I mean, no, I don't think they're doing it justice.
What a great feeling. The embryologist said that they're all grade 2...but one of them was already hatching. This is such a hopeful feeling. The last time, when we went from 17 to 11 to 2...with nothing left to freeze, it was so much pressure on that cycle. It had to work...or we'd have to start all over...and now with the knowledge that my eggs are for some reason doomed and full of despair. A fate that I know too many of us have had to face. And we did. But what an unexpected and blessed outcome. We are so blessed. EIGHT!
As for our two most important things in the world, our two luckies who are working their hearts out right now...I'm trying to stay positive. I have no reason to be negative...everything went so much better this time. SO much better. There's no reason to be negative...and yet, here I am doubting. Of course. That's how it works, right? I can't give it all away, I'm too scared to get hurt again. But...I have great hope in these two luckies and I have SO much hope in our eight. Our blessed eight!
Ok- so now on to some more lovely stuff.
First- I'm watching Michael Jackson's "This Is It" right now, for the third time...and I feel like crying. Ok, don't freak out- I know how weird that sounds. But I heart Michael Jackson. I didn't know him as a person or anything, and I can't comment on his lifestyle or wardrobe choices, but my God this man was so friggin talented. Amazing.
I just needed you to know that about me. It's the damn truth. And these babies WILL have rhythm. Oh, it'll be there, and it'll be beautiful.
Second- I woke up at 2am this morning and haven't been able to go back to sleep yet. Ugh. I woke up to go to the bathroom and then the cramps started. They scared the bejeebus out of me and I couldn't do anything but constantly think about what was happening. Why was I cramping? And it wasn't just those short bursts of cramps that I got last time or that I had yesterday. It was continuous cramping, like one big long uterine contraction or something. I hated it. I tried lying in every which direction...I tried listening to music, my relaxation mix, my "crickets in the rain" sounds (yeah, I know...but usually that's a guaranteed winner). Nope, nothing. It wouldn't go away. I was scared.
So what's lovely about this, you ask? Well, let's look at some theories about this middle of the night scenario:
1) Maybe I have the most sensitive uterus EVER and this was some serious implantation cramping and both of our little luckies were burrowing in at once and they were super aggressive about it- just to make sure that I know they're trying really really hard for their mama. Thanks little ones!
2) Maybe I've done such a good job of keeping my uterus UBER relaxed and like the "calm seas" that my acupuncturist was explaining to me that it just needed a little exercise. No harm, no foul...just a little flexing of the muscles to let the luckies know that this is a great place to hang out, a place full of strength and protection. Oh yeah, way to go uterus! Nice job!
3) And if all else fails, I turn to the silver linings (which I hate doing when things are actually bad- like after our ectopic scare and miscarriage ... but I find necessary when there's no answers or no real problems ...yet).
So, silver lining? I got to listen to some Pan.dora in the middle of the night on my new smart phone and had the BEST luck with the music! I didn't tell you this story about our post-transfer experience: As soon as the acupuncturist came back to get the needles back in and the "seas calmed", I begged her to let me listen to my own music because the latin salsa that was playing was stressing me out... So she let me put in my headphones before the ear needles were placed. B had to control my phone because I had needles in my arms and wasn't allowed to turn my wrists. So I had him go to Pan.dora and choose the Allison Kr.auss station, because good lord it's SO good. Seriously, rock that out when you need to "calm your seas", uterus or other. Glorious. So, he set me up on Allison Krau.ss radio and the first song to come on?
"Somewere Over The Rainbow"- Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Two things that are lovely here. One, this is such a perfect song for the situation, no? This will either be the happiest song for me...or I'll cry everytime I hear it in the future. I mean, I'm probably going to cry everytime I hear it in the future no matter what. This is our luckies' song now. The second lovely thing is that the video I put up there has spanish subtitles, just in case! How lovely!
So I got to listen to that beautiful song until the wi fi or 4g or whatever cut out. Then the next song that I listened to, which is so lovely, was this:
She Is Love - Parachute
Beautiful, no? I had that one on repeat for the rest of the 20 or so minutes because it's so lovely.
So anyway, back to the silver lining...I turn on Pand.ora last night and "She is Love" comes on immediately. And then what's next? Oh yes, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". It was so nice. It was like the luckies were saying hi...letting me know they weren't going anywhere. Or at least that's what my interpretation of this silver lining was. I do so hope it's true.
I'm having a splendid day other than the lack of sleep and the residual cramping that comes and goes as of now. I took my last Dostinex last night and I'm so glad, because I was one of the rare lucky ones to get severe dizziness and nauseau on that evil little pill. And so, with a very fuzzy head, B drove me to Dr. Z's office for my blood draw this morning. Hopefully that shows good estrogen and progesterone numbers. Oh, and then B took me to J.amba for some oatmeal and smoothie deliciousness! Oh yeah baby!
Two days down!!! 2dp5dt (or 7dpo for the non-IVFers)!