7dp5dt...tomorrow, tomorrow

I can't believe it's tomorrow!!!  I'm so nervousscaredworriedexcitedhopefulinsane.

 Phenomenon #1:  The progesterone injections don't really hurt too much anymore! This is such an interesting phenomenon...I don't remember if it happened last time.  Apparently, my ass has gotten used to progesterone in oil!  Lovely!  It still stings at first and then it feels like I got kicked by a donkey once...but that's sooo much better than the royal beating I'd been taking.  I started using traveen anti-inflamatory cream and that totally helped but I don't even use it anymore! LOVELY!

Phonemenon #2:  I started feeling totally normal.  I mean, really...like I hadn't even been through IVF hell.  My body was totally behaving itself.  Yesterday I got just a teensy bit nauseous one time after I ate this creamy risotto...but it went a way really fast after I drank some water.  This phenomenon of feeling good made me sad...I was hoping for some big time symptoms, of course.  But then today I woke up and felt like my abdomen was becoming distended again...like OHSS was coming back or something.  I have some pain up under my ribs and I'm SUPER light headed again everytime I stand up.  I mean, everytime.  It's brutal.  I've had a couple of headaches...who knows why, but it makes me feel better to not feel great. :) haha...such a phenomenon of IVF.

So today I'm hopeful.  And tomorrow...I hope changes our lives forever.  And I mean forever.  No more of this changing our lives for a few days to then be horribly crushed for months and then have to pick up the pieces and not let it ruin our lives.  None of that this time, ok luckies? 

This was me the day before beta last time... I love the idea of that. Of just having the day to be way too excited if it works or really really sad if not. It didn't work out...we had that 12 HCG that made it impossible to just be super optimistic or just be super sad.  This is where I learned the definition of cautious optimism.  But I really, really, reeeeeeally want to just be wrecklessly happy or wrecklessly not happy tomorrow.  I know that that's wreckless.  And I know that even if we get a positive beta, bad things can happen. Oh how I know this.  But I'm going to enjoy it if we get the gift of a positive.

Then, later...I'll remember cautious optimism.  But not tomorrow.  Hopefully not tomorrow.

So say a little prayer for us tonight...for our luckies.  Little ones- tonight's your night.  Go ahead and make yourself known!  This is your time to shine...I'll be here cheering you on.  We love you! Keep on growing!!!